Harry Jokes / Recent Jokes

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:

Man: What's the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

Man: No sir, I was going 65.

Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.

(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.

(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.

Man: Shut your mouth, woman!

Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?

Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. From time to time the young nurse came in and said in a patronising tone, "And how are we doing this morning?"

Well, this is a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went.

The nurse came in, picked up the urine bottle and said, "It seems we are a little cloudy today..." At this, Harry snatched the bottle out of her hand, drinked its contents, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again, maybe I can filter it better this time."

Two salesmen were writing up their orders when the conversation came around to
last night's big date. "So, how'd it go, Harry?" asked Gil.
"Terrible," admitted Harry. "The moment we got back to her place the phone
started ringing. There must have been fifteen calls from guys wanting to ask her
out. It never stopped, and we never got started."
Gil tried to comfort him. "It could have been worse, Harry. After all, an
attractive young woman's allowed to have her number in the phone book, now isn't
she?"
"Yeah, but not in the Yellow Pages."

Two elderly gentlemen, Sam and Harry, were having breakfast. Sam said to Harry,"Harry, why do you have a suppository in your ear?"Harry took the suppository out, looked it over and said, "Sam, Im really gladyou saw this thing, now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a Hot Air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are". Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover. George says, "I still can't tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground". So Harry yells down to the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?". And the man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air". George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer". And Harry says "How can you tell?". George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally useless". That's the end of the Joke, but for you people who are still worried about George and Harry: They end up in the drink, and make the front page of the New York Times: "Balloonists Soaked by Lawyer".

Two salesmen were writing up their orders when the conversation came around to last night's big date. "So, how'd it go, Harry?" asked Gil.
"Terrible," admitted Harry. "The moment we got back to her place the phone started ringing. There must have been fifteen calls from guys wanting to ask her out. It never stopped, and we never got started."
Gil tried to comfort him. "It could have been worse, Harry. After all, an attractive young woman's allowed to have her number in the phone book, now isn't she?"
"Yeah, but not in the Yellow Pages."

Once upon a time, in the Christmas Tree Forest there lived the
Christmas fairies. They spent most of their time practising
sitting on top of the Christmas trees. There was just one rule
they had to stick to... it was strictly forbidden for a fairy to
kiss anyone!
The trouble was that Floella was a wicked little fairy. One day
Harry the Hare was hopping through the forest when he saw Floella
sitting on top of a toadstool, combing her hair. Floella said,
"Hello, handsome, give us a kiss!"
Harry the Hare was shocked. "Father Christmas doesn't allow that! he gasped. "Anyone caught kissing a fairy will be turned straight
away into Goon!"
But Floella tickled his ears - just the way hares love and
whispered, "Don't worry, we won't get caught!"
Harry the Hare trembled with fear and excitement. He looked
carefully over his furry brown shoulder, saw that no one was
looking. .. and more...