Hear Jokes / Recent Jokes

Did you hear about the guy who thought asphalt was a rectal problem?

While in Israel I found a great buy on a computer. It is a kosher computer called a DELLSHALOM.
It was selling at such a good price that...well... mine arrived today. If you or a friend are considering a kosher computer, you should know that there were some important upgrades and changes from the typical computer you are used to, such as:
The cursor moves from right to left.
It comes with two hard drives, one for 'Fleyshik' business software and one for 'Milchik' games.
Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, my PC now gets 'Ferklempt'.
The Chanukah screen savers include 'Flying Dreidels'.
The PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
After my computer dies, I have to dispose of it within 24 hours.
The "Start" button has been replaced with a "Let's go! I'm not getting any younger!" button.
When disconnecting external devices from the back of my PC, I am instructed to "Remove the more...

It seems that a young couple had just gotten married and spent their first wedding night with the young man’s parents. In the morning, his mother got up and prepared a lovely breakfast including freshly cut flowers from her garden and gourmet food.
She went to the bottom the stairs and called everyone to come down to breakfast. Everyone came down, except the newlyweds. After a long wait, the family ate without them.
The mother said, “I wonder why they never came down to eat? ”
The groom’s young brother said, “Mommy, I think…”
“Oh, shut up. I don’t want to hear what you think! ” said the mother, not wanting to hear any inappropriate comments from the eight-year-old.
At lunch time, the mother again prepared a wonderful spread and again called the young couple to eat. Five minutes went by and she called again. After another long wait, the family proceeded to eat.
As she was cleaning the table, mother once again said, “I wonder why they more...

Did you hear about the head they found in the Trinty River
* no what happened?
it had a note in its mouth and it said "
I an't got nobody!"

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that got pregnant for the second time? A: She asked her husband if they needed to get married again.

Sign on an electrician's truck:
Let us remove your shorts.
Maternity Clothes Shop:
We are open on labor day.
On a Front Door:
Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.
On a Maternity Room Door:
"Push, Push, Push"
Non-smoking area:
If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action
Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
Scientist's Door:
Gone Fission
Taxidermist Window:
We really know our stuff.
Podiatrist's Window:
Time wounds all heels.
Sign on Fence:
Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
Car Dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.
Muffler Shop:
No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming.

Hotel:
Help! We need inn - experienced people.

Butcher's Window:
Pleased to meat you.

Sign more...

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angles Sing About Me Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and trees and Fire Hydrants and...... Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get me Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...