Heroin Jokes / Recent Jokes

"I haven't had a drink in seven days. Or anything," she says. "I'm not even legal to, so why would I? I don't drink when I go to clubs. I drink with my friends at home, but there's no need to. I feel better not drinking. It's more fun. I have Red Bull. Sometimes I put some vodka in it. I don't drink though. Occasionally I will have a shot of tequila when I'm doing coke. But I don't do coke. Sometimes I have a little coke when I've been doing heroin all day. Which makes it fortunate that I don't do heroin. Except during my menstrual period...and other days. Wow, that was a mouthful, I could use a drink. But I don't drink."

Tainted heroin flooding the streets of Detroit has killed 48 users in 12 days. The mayor, who pledged to clean up the city, told a crowd of cheering supporters, "You ain't seen nothing yet!"

Heroin users should avoid the drug because some supplies have been tainted with a powerful painkiller blamed for hundreds of deaths nationwide since mid-April, law enforcement officials urged on Tuesday.
Rather, the D.E.A. suggests addicts downgrade to crystal meth for a few weeks just to be safe, until they officially clear the tracks for the H-train again.
Your cooperation in this matter is greatly appreciated.

One day when Jimmy was at school, the teacher told him that for his homework he had to write out the first three letters of the alphabet.
When he went home he was struggling so decided to ask his mum. His mum was in the kitchen cutting the salad when he asked her "Mum, what is the first letter of the alphabet?"
Just as he had finished asking this question his mum sliced her finger open and shouted "SHIT!!!"
Jimmy wrote this down and went outside to see his older brother.
He asked him "big brother, whet is the second letter of the alphabet?"
His brother was crouched on the floor talking to a drugged up teenager and jimmy heard him say "only if you give me some heroin!"
Jimmy wrote this down and went into the living room and saw his little sister watching superman.
"Sister, what is the third letter of the alphabet?"
His sisters eyes were fixed on the the TV and she ignored Jimmy. "Superman!!!" more...

This one girl brought her twin sister on Dr. Phil as an incentive to quit heroin. Is that just me or is that more of an incentive to use drugs.

In the news today...
Two Indian heroin addicts inject curry powder by mistake.
Both are in intensive care.
One has a dodgy tikka, the other is in a korma

The medical journal "Dermatologic Surgery" reports that injecting Botox into frown lines appears to ease depression. A competing journal, "Poppy Seed Weekly," reports that nothing injects happy like heroin.