Hillary Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish."The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says.The waiter nods: "And the vegetable?" he asks."Oh, HE'll have the fish." Hillary replies.

Chelsea Clinton was home for Christmas break. She was having lunch with her dear mother, Hillary, just talking about typical girl stuff. Hillary says to Chelsea, "My, my what a fine young lady you have turned out to be. Being a sophomore at Stanford and all, I'm so proud!"Hillary proceeds to give Chelsea a hug then speaks softly and asks her a question. "Say, I was just wondering since you're all grown up now. Have you, um, had sex yet?". Chelsea ponders and contemplates then responds." Um, not according to dad."!

By accident Hillary Clinton and Bob Dole met. "If I were your wive", Hilary said, "I'd put poison in your coffee". "And if I were your husband", replied Bob, "I'd gladly drink it."

Bill, Al, and Hillary all die in a plane crash. Upon reaching Heaven, they are escorted as important personages directly to see God. God looks at Bill and asks, "Bill, you've sinned a great deal. Why should I allow you to enter into Heaven?"
"Well, gee, God," replies Bill, "I'm the Pres-ee-dent of the United States. I've been trying to help people - you know give them universal health care and protect them from those mean-spirited Republicans who want to starve their children and throw sick old people out into the street." God considers this a moment and says, "Oh, okay. Sit over here on my left." He turns to Al. "Al, why should I let you into Heaven?" "Well, Lord, I'm the Vice President of the United States. I've tried to protect the environment from abuse by those mean-spirited Republicans and even wrote a very important book about it." God thinks a moment and says, "All right. Sit over here on my right. Now, more...

Bill Clinton was out jogging one morning when he came across a prostitute at an intersection. He asked her what she would charge for an evening.
She replyed that she charges $150 dollars. Bill then asked if she would spend the evening for $10.
She said no and Bill jogged away.
The next day Bill was out jogging with Hillary. The prostitute was back at the same intersection.
As Bill and Hillary passed the intersection the prostitute called out "Well thats what you get for $10".

'Twas late Christmas eve, and throughout the White House
All slumbered but Socks (who was chewing a mouse)
When all of a sudden a thunderous roar
Rattled the East Wing from rafter to floor.
Unsure if the noise was just gas or artillery,
Bill Clinton took action: he deputized Hillary.
In her robe and her slippers, she trudged to the source
Of the noise and saw nothing, but then heard a coarse
Texas twang from the fireplace clamor
"Down here! Are y'all just as blind as those tinhorn reindeer?"
There, on the hearth,' midst the timber and tinder,
Sat H. Ross Perot, all covered with cinder.

"Your flue," he complained, "is disgusting with soot.
You gave far too many staff members the boot.
Cutting budgets is wonderful; better is cheaper.
But you need either Zoe's or Kimba's housekeeper.
From ashes that thick, someone's breathing might fail.
Thank goodness, like Bill, that I more...

On the Listening Tour, Hillary was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town she was visiting had named a sandwich after her. She was somewhat less pleased after she found out what was in it. "Mostly baloney," said the proprietor.