Hockey Jokes / Recent Jokes

It's legal to play hockey professionally.
The puck is always hard.
Protective equipment is reusable and you don't even have to wash it.
It lasts a full hour.
You know you're finished when the buzzer sounds.
Your parents cheer when you score.
Periods only last 20 minutes.
You can count on it at least twice a week.
You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
And, the number one reason hockey is better than sex...
A two-on-one or three-on-one is not uncommon.
Thanks to Bill Denham

How can you tell a Minnesota hockey fan? Ask him what color the blue line is and wait. It may take him ten minutes to answer.

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.

Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.

Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.


Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.

Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.

Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.


Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.

Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.


Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.

Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the more...

Scott Niedermayer will rejoin the Anaheim Ducks after missing the team's first 28 games. Niedermayer wasn't retiring, he just hadn't realized that the NHL season had started.

Q: How do you know a leper is playing ice hockey?
A: There's a 'face-off' in the corner.

Heard about the Polish hockey team?
They all drowned in spring training.

Q: How do you know a leper is playing ice hockey?, "Q: How do you know a leper is playing ice hockey?
A: There's a 'face-off' in the corner.