Homeless Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy goes up to a homeless person and says "knock knock"
A guy goes up to a homeless person and says
"Excuse me, can I use your toilet?"
A guy goes up to a homeless person and hands him a letter addressed "To occupant"
+50 degrees Fahrenheit
* New York tenants try to turn on the heat
* People from Ontario plant gardens+40
* Californians shiver uncontrollably
* Albertans sunbathe+35
* Italian cars don't start+32
* Distilled water freezes+30
* You can see your breath
* You plan a vacation in Florida
* Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
* Manitobans eat ice cream+25
* Lake Ontario water freezes
* Californians weep pitiably
* Cat insists on sleeping on your bed+20
* New York water freezes
* San Franciscans start thinking favourably of L.A.
* Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts+15
* You plan a vacation in Acapulco
* Cat insists on sleeping IN your bed with you
* B.C. residents go swimming+10
* Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
* Too cold to snow
* You need jumper cables to get the car going0
* New York landlords turn on the heat
* Newfoundlanders grill hot dogs more...
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"
The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."
Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."
The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter."
Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.
Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."
A poor homeless man had 3 bananas; he had stolen one from a first grader, one from a fruit vendor, and the other was given to him by a humble old lady.
Along with the banana, the humble old lady gave him bus fare, partly because she wanted him to leave, and partly because she felt sorry for him.
The man jumped at the thought - he was going on a bus ride, something he hadn't done in a long time. He put one banana on either side of his torn and tatty pants, and the other banana in the back of his pants.
He waited at the bus station, and waited, and waited, until finally a bus came, and he climbed on.
It was one of those crowded buses, one with not much room to even sneeze.
The bus driver collected the money, and the homeless man found a cramped place to stand.
Everything was going smoothly until the bus made a sharp turn to the left, the banana on the left side got squished. The bus made another sharp turn, one to the right, and you can guess what happened to the more...
60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one) 50 Miami residents turn on the heat 40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming 35 Italian cars don't start 32 Water freezes 30 You plan your vacation to Australia 25 Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming 20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further South 15 French cars don't start, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you 10 You need jumper cables to get the car going 5 American cars don't start 0 Alaskans put on T-shirts -10 German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink -15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist -20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you, Politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese more...
Tony Romo recently took a homeless man to a movie. It's not as generous as it sounds, though. The movie was High School Musical 3.