Homework Jokes / Recent Jokes
Jhonny is 18 and in the 8th grade. Homework is hard for him.
One day, Jhonny got an easy homework assignment that required
him to put each of the following vocabulary words in a
sentence. Here's what he wrote, Ebonic style.
1. HOTEL - I gave my girlfriend da crabs and the' hotel' everybody.
2. RECTUM - I had two Caddilacs, but my ol'lady' rectum' both.
3. DISAPPOINTMENT - My parole officer tol'me if I mess' disappontment'
they gonna send me back to the big house.
4. FORECLOSE - If I pay ailmoney this month, I'll have no money
' foreclose'
5. CATACOMB - Don King was at the fight the other night, Man, somebody
give that' cata omb.'
6. ISRAEL - Alonso tried to sell me a Rolex, I said Man, that looks
fake. He said No' israel.'
7. UNDERMINE - There's fine lookin' hoe livin' in the apartment
' undermine.'
8. TRIPOLI - I was gonna my ol'lady a bra, but I couldn't find' tripoli.'
9. STAIN - My mother-in-law more...
One day when Jimmy was at school, the teacher told him that for his homework he had to write out the first three letters of the alphabet.
When he went home he was struggling so decided to ask his mum. His mum was in the kitchen cutting the salad when he asked her "Mum, what is the first letter of the alphabet?"
Just as he had finished asking this question his mum sliced her finger open and shouted "SHIT!!!"
Jimmy wrote this down and went outside to see his older brother.
He asked him "big brother, whet is the second letter of the alphabet?"
His brother was crouched on the floor talking to a drugged up teenager and jimmy heard him say "only if you give me some heroin!"
Jimmy wrote this down and went into the living room and saw his little sister watching superman.
"Sister, what is the third letter of the alphabet?"
His sisters eyes were fixed on the the TV and she ignored Jimmy. "Superman!!!" more...
You know you have been on the computer too long when...
When you are counting objects, you go "0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, A, B, C, D...".
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When your wife says "If you don`t turn off that darn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.
When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"
When you look for your homework using: "grep homework /dev/backpack"
When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.
When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.
When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal more...
Tommy says to the teacher "Miss. would you ever punish me for something i didn't do?"
The teacher replies "No, Tommy of course not"
"Good cause i didn't do my homework!"
Minnie: Would you punish someone for something they didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Minnie: Good,' cause I haven't done my homework.
1. If you have no life - and you can prove it mathematically.2. If you enjoy pain.3. If you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.4. If you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."5. If you've actually used every single function on your graphing
calculator.6. If it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.7. If you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."8. If you always do homework on Friday nights.9. If you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.10. If you think in "math."11. If you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.12. If you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.13. If you have a pet named after a scientist.14. If you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.15. If the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.16. If you can more...
20 Signs You've Been on Campus too Long
You...
Think that McDonald's/Burger King is "real food."
Know more than 5 uses for milk crates.
Can give a guided tour to anyone after 2 weeks.
Call home and think it's a wrong number.
Call your best friend's house and think it's the right number to your house.
Can sing your school's fight song after only one weekend.
Think that going to the mall is a special trip.
Start doing homework.
Have conversations about homework.
Know your roomie's life like it was your own.
Ask your girlfriend "out" to the campus restaurant.
Stay in the dorm for weekends.
Call your dorm room "home."
Have a list of carbon copies as long as I do for one piece of E-Mail.
Start thinking that the only people left on earth are the people who go to your college/university.
Can recommend web sites to your friends.
Know about more web sites than Yahoo!
Want to be Greek, even more...