Hungry Jokes / Recent Jokes

I'm hungry = I'm hungry. I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy. I'm tired = I'm tired. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. Nice dress! = Nice cleavage! You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you. What's wrong? = I don't see why your making such a big deal about this. What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question. I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex? I love you. = Let's have sex now. I love you, too. = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now! Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before. Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50 and it doesn't look that much different! Let's talk. = I am trying to more...

Stanley was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, he was greeted at the pearly gates by the Lord Himself.
"Are you hungry, Stanley," asked the Lord.
"Yes, I could eat," Stanley replied. So, the Lord opened a can of tuna and they shared it.
While eating this humble meal, Stanley happened to glance down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants there were devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka.
The following day, the Lord again asked Stanley if he was hungry and again Stanley said, "Yes, I could eat." Once more, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Stanley couldn't help but notice a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy and chocolates.
The next day, mealtime arrived and yet another can of tuna was opened. Not wanting to appear ungrateful, Stanley meekly said, "Lord, I am very happy to be in Heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is Heaven and all I get to eat is more...

There was a blonde a brunette and a ginger stranded on an island with no food or water the only water there was, was the deep blue sea in front of them, after a week the ginger started to feel hungry and knowing the mainland was only 20 miles over the sea she decided to smim.So she swam and only managed to get 5 miles until she got eaten by a shark!
A week went on and the brunette started to feel alone even though the blonde was there she also felt very very thirsty and hungry so she decided to jump in and give it ago but only got 10 miles before she drowned and died.
So this leaves the blonde all alone on a stranded island with no food no water and nobody to talk to, so she thinks what have I got to lose its not as if anybody is counting on me so she jumps in the water she manged to get 15 MILES YES 15 MILES until she got tired and decided to swim back!!

One evening, an old farmer was relaxing on his porch, watching his rooster running around the yard chasing after the hen. They circled the yard over and over again, the rooster in hot pursuit of her.
Suddenly, the farmer's wife threw some scraps into the yard. The hen continued to run as fast as she could, but the rooster stopped dead in his tracks and started eating the scraps.
"Good Lord, I pray that I never get that hungry," wailed the farmer.

Humans:
Your cat waits and meows at the front door when you arrive. Is it saying:
a) Welcome home
b) The phone rang twice while you were out
c) Feed me, NOW
Your cat meows at the door when you go out. Is it saying:
a) Please don't leave me here all alone
b) Good-bye
c) But what if I get hungry while you out?
Your cat digs its claws in your leg. Is this:
a) An unsuppressed primal instinct
b) A sign of affection
c) A demand to be fed now
Your cat scratches at the door after being fed: Is it saying:
a) Lemme out - I need to use the garden
b) Wanna go out and play
c) Wonder what they've got to eat next door?
Cats:
Your human walks into the kitchen. Does this mean:
a) It's hungry
b) It's lost
c) You're hungry
Your human puts down a bowl of food for you. Is this:
a) supper
b) something to keep you going till supper's ready
c) inedible junk to be scorned in favor of more...

there were three girs a brunett head a blonde and a red head and they were on a trip to the desert and they were all aloud to bring 1 item so the red head brang a water bottle the brunettrang a peice of bread and the blonde head brang a car door so the brunett asked the red head why did you bring a water bottle and she said just in case i get hungry and then the red head asked why did uyuo bring a peice of bread and she said just in case i get hungry and then the red head asked the blonde why did you bring a car door and she said so when i get hot i can rolll down the window!

Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. "Hungry, Seymour?" the Lord asked. "I could eat," said Seymour. The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it. While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka. The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again said, "I could eat." Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy, and chocolates. The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. Meekly, Seymour said, "Lord, I am very happy to be be in heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is heaven, and all I get to eat is tuna. But in the Other Place, they e at like Kings. I just don't understand." "To be honest, more...