Ice Jokes / Recent Jokes
Top ten names for Ben & Jerry's new presidential ice cream:
1. Impeach-Mint
2 Candy Pants
3. Hyperactive Nuts
4. Chilly Hillbilly Vanilly
5. Pantsachio
6. Subpoena Colada
7. Horny Bubba Crunch
8. Peppermint Fattie
9. Captain Cream
10. Draft-Dodging-Pot-Smoking-Intern-Nailing Raspberry Swirl
"What flavors of ice cream do you have?" inquired the customer.
"Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate," answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper.
Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do you have laryngitis?"
"No...." replied the new waitress with some effort, "just... erm.... vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate."
There is a guy who wants to go ice fishing, so he goes to the ice and cuts a hole in it.
He hears, “THERE ARE NO FISH IN HERE. ”
He leaves and goes to another spot on the ice.
He hears, “THERE ARE NO FISH IN HERE. ”
Baffled, the guy asks, “Is this God? ”
The voice responds, “No, this is the announcer! ”
Ski season is almost here! Hence, the following list of Exercises to get you prepared: 16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up. 15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use. 14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night. 13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses. 12. Throw away a hundred dollar bill-now. 11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things. 10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes. 9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. 8. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed. 7. Go more...
How much Healthy Choice Ice Cream can I eat before its no longer a healthy choice?
An eighty year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's office, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down, making notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen." She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" "Sure." Then his wife asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" "No, I can remember that." "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had bett er write that down cause I know you'll forget that," his wife more...
"Mommy, my turtle is dead," the little boy, Myrddin, sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand. The mother kissed him on the head, then said," That's all right. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet. I don't want you...."
Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. "Myrddin, your turtle is not dead after all."
"Oh," the disappointed boy, wanting ice cream and a new pet, said. "Can I kill it?"