Ice Jokes / Recent Jokes

One Christmas, Phil and Will built a skating rink in the middle
of a pasture. A shepard leading his flock decided to take a
shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of
the ice and wouldn't cross it. Desperate, the shepard began
tugging them to the other side.
"Look at that," remarked Phil to Will. "That guy is trying to
pull the wool over our ice!"

A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender ” Bartender give me a ice cold draft beer. The bartender says ” I’m sorry sir but its against company policy to serve bear beer in the bar. ” The bear becomes upset and says “let me talk with the manager”. The manager says to the bear ” may I help you? The bear says yes, ” I would like a ice cold draft beer”. The manager says ” I’m sorry sir but we can not serve bear beer in the bar. The bear is pissed and says to the manager “if you don’t serve me I will eat that young lady at the end of the bar alive”.
The manager says suit yourself. So the bear gets off his chair and proceeds to eat the lady alive, a few seconds go by and police arrive and tell the bear he is under arrest. The bear shouts “under what charge: The police tell him drugs. Drugs the bear says? The police says “that was a barbitch u ate….

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, “Where are you going? ” He replied, “To the kitchen. ” She asked, “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream? ” He replied, “Sure. ” She then asked him, “Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it? ” He said, “No, I can remember that. ” She then said, “Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you’ll forget that. ” He more...

An avid ice fisherman moved a short distance onto the ice and began to chop a hole.

Suddenly a voice boomed out from above: "There are no fish in there."

The man looked around but didn't see anyone. However, he heeded the advice and moved to a different spot on the ice to chop another hole.

Again, he heard the loud voice say: "There are no fish in there."

The fisherman still couldn't see anyone. But he accepted the fishing tip and began chopping a third hole farther out.

"There are no fish in there,' resounded the voice louder than ever

Still there was no one in sight, and by now, the fisherman was becoming afraid. "Are you God?" he asked meekly.

"No," the loudspeaker thundered. "I own this skating rink."

How do you catch a polar bear? You dig a hole in the ice and place peas all around it, and when the polar bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole!

A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.

When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".

So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.

So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.

"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.

So the man cooly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes."

It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. Shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish.
Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son" he said, "I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm." "Look," said the old more...