Illinois Jokes / Recent Jokes

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.
They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from more...

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200. They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she more...

...Former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich attended the Illinois state fair where he did a karaoke impression of Elvis. His supporters were glad to see Blago do the "early" Elvis impression when he sang "Hound Dog." His detractors were hoping to see Blago do the "late" Elvis impression where he would be in a box six feet under.

Weird Sex Laws of the U. S. A law in Fairbanks, Alaska, does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.
In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.
In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute on Sunday afternoons.
It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times
and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law.
In Nevada, sex without a condom is considered illegal.
Clinton, Oklahoma, has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.
In Willowdale, more...

Connorsvill, Wisconsin: It is illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm. Willowdale, Oregon: It is illegal for husbands to curse during sex. Oblong, Illinois: It is punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.(Trust me if a man takes his wife fishing on their wedding day, he has an even bigger problem.)Alexandria, Minnesota: No man is allowed to make love with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath. Ames, Iowa: A man cannot have more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife, girlfriend, or significant other--- or holding her in his arms. Bozeman, Montana: Has a law banning all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -- if they are nude. Newcastle, Wyoming: An ordinance specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat freezer. Illinois: A state law mandates that all bachelors should be called more...

At his victory speech in Chicago, a sea of Obama supporters chanted "Yes we can!" Which means Obama supporters in Chicago are apparently not Cubs fans.

Alabama
Literacy ain't everything
Ya want fries with dat?
Alaska
Come, freeze your butt off
Arizona
Winter home to 150,000 snowbirds
Arkansas
At least we're not Mississippi
California
The Granola State
Nobody's actually from here
Fast reloading lanes available
The really long state
Colorado
Too wimpy to cross the mountains so we stopped here
Official home of the winter ski bunny
Connecticut
Way too close to New York
Delaware
You'll need a map to find us
So close to Washington you can smell it
Florida
The Gunshine State
Elephant Graveyard; where the old Republicans go to die
Senior citizen discounts available
Come, enjoy the humidity
The snow capital of the US
Georgia
Home of the Rednecks
Gateway to Florida
Confederate money welcome
Hawaii
Sure, we've got Interstates... drive on over
Book 'em Danno
Tom Seleck, Jack Lord, Don Ho - more...