Illinois Jokes / Recent Jokes
I worked as an orientation leader at Northern Illinois University this past summer. I was responsible for answering any questions any parents and students had about NIU and DeKalb, Illinois.
I also was responsible for telling parents a little about NIU and DeKalb. Well, DeKalb Illinois is the city in which barbed wire was first invented. DeKalb is also Cindy Crawford's home town.
I told the parents in my group that DeKalb was famous for Cindy Crawford and Barbed wire.
The parents responded by asking "Barb who?"
An Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly woman whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW. YOUR LOVING HUSBAND P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE
The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.
They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. more...
The governor stated that seats for his trial are starting at $59.95 and can be purchased through his office or your local Ticketmaster outlet.
So where are they going to put all the Illinois politicians?
Over the next three years, 7-11 is paying the Chicago White Sox half a million dollars per season to start their night games at exactly 7:11 PM. Such a shame – we were hoping to preserve the non-commercialized purity of US Cellular Field.