Illinois Jokes / Recent Jokes
Kerry Wood said that not pitching in Chicago next year will leave him disappointed. Ahh, dissapointment. The true mark of a Cubs fan.
* In the quiet town of Connersville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.
* It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.
* In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
* No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
* Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you or holding you in his arms.
* Bozeman, Montana has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown - if they're nude.
* In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds more...
A Chicago couple that purchased a Microsoft Zune for their 12- year-old daughter found it contained an hour and 44 minutes of pornography. Disgusted with the product, the couple immediately exchanged the Zune for an I-pod, which can hold up to 75 hours of pornography.
From AP:
Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama tried to reassure Jewish voters concerned about his Muslim ties...
Speaking to the National Jewish Democratic Council, the Illinois senator said his experience living in Indonesia [where Jews aren't allowed] for four years as a child and his ability to speak to Muslims could make him a better president.
"If I go to Jakarta and address the largest Muslim country on earth, I can say,'Apa kabar,' -- you know,'How are you doing?' -- and they can recognize that I understand their common humanity," Obama said.
What this reassurance would have sounded like during our previous great war, World War II:
...the Illinois senator said his experience living in Austria for four years as a child and his ability to speak to Austrians could make him a better president.
"If I go to Vienna, I can say,'Heil Hitler,' -- you know,'How are you doing?' -- and they can recognize that I more...
1) In Illinois, it is illegal to speak English. Well then, what do they speak? Gibberish?
2) In Crete, Illinois, it is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with someone else's dog. First of all, why would anybody attempt to even have sex with a dog? Second of all, is it okay to attempt to have sex with your own dog?
And finally, my favorite one of all...
3)In New York, the penalty for jumping off a building is death. Duh! No, we're all going to magically survive a 50 story drop to the concrete below.
In annual survey, Afghanistan was second only to Illinois.
...cousins Charles and Darrell Lessor were running for the same city council seat in a small county just outside Chicago...Charles, the favorite, was a respectable businessman and former teacher...Darrell, the dark horse, was a former contractor who had previously been tried twice for corruption but never convicted....the town wound up electing the evil of two Lessors.