Income Jokes / Recent Jokes
Candidate Bill Clinton: Promised a guarenteed college education for anyone wanting one
President Bill Clinton: Proposing to spend $98 million-it will only cover 4,800 students in the freshman class at the University of Maryland
Candidate Bill Clinton: Promised 10% income surtax on millionaires
President Bill Clinton: Wants to impose the surtax on those with taxable incomes greater than $250,000
Candidate Bill Clinton: Would raise income taxes on families with incomes greater than $200,000
President Bill Clinton: Wants to raise income taxes on families with incomes greater than $30,000
Candidate Bill Clinton: Claimed to be able to reduce the deficit by taxing rich, foreigners, and corporate polluters
President Bill Clinton: Said he cannot reduce the deficit without taxing the elderly, motorists, and farmers
Candidate Bill Clinton: Promised workers he would require their employers to pay for retraining
President Bill Clinton: Put that idea on hold
The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.
The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, Did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um... No."
"Second, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was put off. "Third, that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, more...
An answer to the eternal question “Is it better to be a jock or a nerd? ”
Michael Jordan will make over $300, 000 a game: $10, 000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game.
Assuming $40 million in endorsements next year, he’ll be making $178, 100 a day (working or not)!
Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52, 000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it’ll cost him $7. 00, but he’ll make $18, 550 while he’s there.
If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he’ll make $618 while boiling it. He makes $7, 415/hr more than minimum wage (after the wage hike).
He’ll make $3, 710 while watching each episode of Friends.
If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90, 000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2. 00 every second.
He’ll probably pay around $200 more...
A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um...no." "-or that mybrother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted, "-or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The humiliated more...
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, more...
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town`s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500, 000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn`t you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um. .. no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister`s husband died in a traffic accident," the more...
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um... no." The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless more...