Income Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two men met on a train. They begin to talk about their occupations. "I'm in the investment business," says Mr. Brown. "My income is generated from stocks and bonds."

"I'm a White House reporter," replies Mr. Green. "And my income is generated by capitol interest."

Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy's homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.
1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.
2. Dictate - My girlfriend say my dictate good.
3. Income - I just got in bed wif da ho and income my wife.
4. Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.
5. Rectum - I had two Cadillacs, but my bitch rectum both.
6. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.
7. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis.
8. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look fake." He say, "Bullshit, that watch israel."
9. Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho living in the apartment undermine.
10. Acoustic - When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the poolhall.
11. Iraq - When we got to the poolhall, I tol' my uncle iraq, more...

Leroy was a 17 year old ninth grader. Leroy got this homework assignment
in his Ebonics class. All he had to do was use each of the following words
in a sentence. The following is how he completed the assignment.
Rectum: I had two Caddilacs but my ol lady rectum.
Hotel: I gave my woman da crabs and da hotel evabody.
Odyssey: I told my bro, man, you odyssey da tits on da hoe.
Stain: My muda-in-law axed me if I'm stain for dinna agin.
Seldom: My cousin give me tickets to da Warriors game so I seldom.
Penis: I went to da docta an he hanned me a cup and said penis.
Foreclose: If I pay alimony dis munf, I'd have no muny foreclose.
Undermine: Dare's a fine lookin hoe livin in da partmunt undermine.
Disappointment: My parole offcer tel me if I miss disappointment he
gonna kill me
Tripoli: I was gonne buy my ol lady a bra but I coudnt find no
Tripoli
Income: I just got in bed wit dis hoe and income my wife
Honor: At da rape trial more...

A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town`s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500, 000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn`t you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um... no."

"--or that mybrother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted,

"--or that my sister`s husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer`s voice rising in indignation, more...

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. ''Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?''
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, ''First, did your
research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has
medical bills that are several times her annual income?''
Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, ''Um... No.''
''Or,'' the lawyer continued, ''that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?''
The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer added, ''Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident?'' the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, more...

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said, "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, Did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, "Um... No."
"Or," the lawyer continued, "that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer added, "Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," more...

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, "Um... No."
"Or," the lawyer continued, "that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer added, "Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident?" the more...