Inmates Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jail officials in Linn County, OR, have banned underwear for male inmates, explaining that it costs too much money to replace T-shirts and drawers, which keep disappearing.
Sherrif Dave Burright said some items were flushed down the toilet, resulting in a $200 bill to unclog the sewer lines.
Also, this summer an inmate tried to hang himself with the elastic waistband from his briefs. So far, only one prisoner has complained, claiming it is a constitutional right for inmates to have underwear, according to Burright, who noted, "I don't remember Thomas Jefferson putting anything about underwear in the Constitution."

A guy's walking past an asylum, and can hear all the inmates inside screaming at the top of their lungs, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!!!". He peeks through a hole in the fence to see what all the commotion is about, and a finger suddenly pops out and jabs him in the eye. He yells in pain, and the inmates all start gleefully shouting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!!!".

A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!" And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts!" And they all sat.
After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" And they all broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.
The assistant replied, "Everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, "PEANUTS!"

An institution for the mentally ill arranged for its inmates to attend a baseball game. The director spent days training the patients to obey his commands, so there wouldn't be any trouble. The day of the game was bright and sunny and the group arrived just before the first pitch.

When it was time for the National Anthem, the director yelled,' 'Up, nuts!'' and the inmates immediately rose. When the National Anthem was over, the director yelled,' 'Down, nuts!'' and the inmates sat.

The game proceeded and the inmates were well-behaved. When the home team made a good play, the director yelled,' 'Clap, nuts!'' and the patients applauded just like normal fans. Things were going so well that the director left his seat to go get a hot dog and a beer.

But when he came back, there was a riot going on. The director finally located his assistant and demanded,' 'What happened?''' 'Everything was fine,'' the assistant said,' 'until some guy came over and yelled,' more...

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ''Up nuts!''
And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, ''Down nuts!'' And they all sat.
After a home run he yelled, ''Cheer nuts!'' And they all broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.
The assistant replied, ''Well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ''PEANUTS!''

The asylum decided it would be good for the inmates to learn to work together. Thus they organized a baseball team, the star player of which was "Nuts" McGuirk. Unfortunately, though Nuts could slam the ball a mile and field like a demon, he had to be told what to do every step of the way. Thus, whenever Nuts had to play, the coach was always nearby.
The day of the first game arrived, and a large crowd gathered at a local stadium to see the lunatics play the doctors.
After nine innings it was a tie game. The inmates had the bases loaded, and there were two outs. Luckily, it was Nuts' turn to bat. The coach quietly whispered to him, "Up, Nuts!" and Nuts left the bench. "Bat, Nuts," he said, and the player went to the plate.
Alas, just then a vendor nearby shouted, "Peanuts!"

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ''Up nuts!''
And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, ''Down nuts!'' And they all sat.
After a home run he yelled, ''Cheer nuts!'' And they all broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.
The assistant replied, ''Well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ''PEANUTS!''