Instrument Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bob is throwing a party. He decides that, to break the ice at his party, he'll ask his guests what their I. Q. is--hopefully this will strike up an appropriate conversation from there. The day of Bob's party rolls around, and when the first guest knocks on the door, Bob asks the person what her I. Q. is."200, 000" replies the first guest."Well, that's great," says Bob, let's talk about ethereal astro physics. Bob and this first guest talk about the aforementioned subject for a while. Later in the party, someone else is at the door. "Hi my name is Bob; welcome to my party, what's your I. Q.?"The new guest responds with "250"."Great," says Bob. "Lets talk about advanced math. Bob and his new guest talk about calculus and statistics for awhile. Much later in the party, after many more guests had arrived and been spoken to by Bob, yet another guest arrives at the door. "Hi, my name's Bob; welcome to my party, what's your I. more...
A man walks into a shop. "You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremolo?""You're a drummer, aren't you?""Yeah. How'd you know?""This is a travel agency."
A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."
A musical director was encountering a lot of problems with one drummer. He talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance failed to improve.
Finally, before the entire orchestra, the director said, "When a musician cannot handle his instrument and doesn't improve when help is given, they take away the instrument, give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
At that, a whisper was heard from the percussion section, "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."
Q: How do you get five oboes in tune? A: Shoot four of them. Q: What are burning oboes used for? A: To set bassoons on fire. Q: Why does an oboist always have to fight for correct intonation? A: Because most oboes are full of holes. Q: How do you make an oboist play a sustained A-flat? A: Steal his batteries.
A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."
Q: How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that's not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it. Q: How can you tell the stage you're playing on is level? A: The banjo player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth. Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor? A: You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard. Q: Why do so many fishermen own banjos? A: They make great anchors! Q: Why did the Boy Scout take up the banjo? A: They make good paddles. Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw? A: A chain saw has a dynamic range. Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw? A: You can turn off a chainsaw. Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw? A: One is loud, obnoxious and noisy; the other is a bird. Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a Harley-Davidson motorcycle? A: You can tune a Harley. Q: What is the more...