Instrument Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any instrument in the world.
He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him. .. so he says he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.
A guy walks up with a guitar and sits it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix. So the man pays his $50.
Another guy walks up with a trumpet, The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzy Gillespie. So the man pays his $50.
A third guy walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sets it down with a confused look.
"Ha!", the man says, "can't you play it?"
The octopus looks up at the man and says "Play it? I'm going to fuck it as soon as I get its pajamas off."
My wife and I were browsing in a crafts store when I noticed a display of country-style musical instruments. After looking over the flutes, dulcimers and recorders, I picked up a shiny, one-stringed instrument I took to be a mouth harp. I put it to my lips and, much to the amusement of other shoppers, twanged a few notes on it.After watching from a distance, my wife came up and whispered in my ear, "I hate to tell you this, honey, but you're trying to play a cheese slicer."
All of the following songs may be played on a touch-tone phone. Commas are pauses, and hyphens are held notes. Mary Had A Little Lamb3212333, 222, 399, 3212333322321 or3212333, 222, 133, 3212333322321 Jingle Bells333, 333, 39123, 666-663333322329, 333, 333, 39123, 666-6633, 399621 Frere Jacques1231, 1231, 369, 369, 9*9631, 9*9631, 111, 111 Olympic Fanfare3-9-91231, 2222-32112312, 3-9-91231, 2222-32112321 The Butterfly Song963, 23621, 3693236236932362, 963, 23621 Happy Birthday112, 163, 112, 196, 110, 8521, 008, 121
The organ is the instrument of worship for in its sounding we sense the Majesty of God and in its ending we know the Grace of God.
Q: What is a chord? A: Three violists playing in unison. Q: What is the best recording of the Walton viola concerto? A: Music Minus One. Q: What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. Q: What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section? A: Half a measure. Q: What is the difference between grapes and a viola? A: You take off your shoes to stamp on grapes. Conductor: Again from measure 5, if you please. Voice from viola section: But Maestro, we have no measure numbers. Q: What is the difference between a chainsaw and a viola? A: If you absolutely had to, you could use a chainsaw in a string quartet. Q: What do you call a person who plays the viola? A: A violator. Q: What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section? A: A semi-tone. Q: Why are violas so large? A: It is an optical illusion. It's not that the violas are large, just that the viola player's heads are so more...
Why do violists leave their instrument cases on the dashboards of their cars? So they can park in "handicapped" parking places. orIf someone mistakes them for mafia, they might get some respect.