Invention Jokes / Recent Jokes

Henry Ford went to Heaven upon his death and was given a warm welcome
at the pearly gates. St. Peter, after completing the formalities,
asked him how he would like to spend his time. Ford, the great
inventor, asked to see some of the inventors before him. So St. Peters
printed out the list of all the inventors currently ( doing time ) in
heaven.
As Ford started to go through the list, he came across the name Adam.
He queried if it was the same guy who discovered Eve, the woman. St.
Peters confirmed that indeed Adam was the man credited with the
invention of women. Ford requested an audience with Adam, as he had a
few things to straighten out with him.
When the scheduled meeting took place, Ford was all over Adam, attacking
him for the flaws in his invention.
"Your invention is the most stupid work of engineering I ever saw.
There is too much of front end protrusion, the rear end wobbles too
much, it more...

Beer and the quotes it has helped create over the years...I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in themorning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.-Frank SinatraThe problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.-William Butler YeatsAn intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.-Ernest HemingwayAlways do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.-Ernest HemingwayYou're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.-Dean MartinDrunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.-AnonymousNo animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.-G.K. ChestertonTime is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.-Catherine ZandonellaAbstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.-Ambrose BierceReality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.-AnonymousDrinking provides a beautiful more...

The inventor Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, I want to hang out with God. " St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman? " God said, "Ah, yes, " "Well, " said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention. 1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust and finally,
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous." "Hmmmm, you may have more...

An inventor goes into a bank and asks the Banker for a loan to help him maufacture a new product. The Banker tells him he needs to see the product, first.
The man pulls a small envelope out of his pocket and empties the contents, an orange powder, onto the desk. "That's my invention!" "You dump this onto a womans pussy and it makes it taste like ORANGES! FRESH SQUEEZED ORANGES! He shouts.
The banker is not impressed. He says, "That's obscene, I won't loan the banks money on something like that! GET OUT!
The inventor leaves, but the next week he's back and makes a $5,000 deposit. The next day he deposits $10,000. The thrid day it's $20,000. The banker sees this and apologizes to the man.
The inventor tells him, "No, you where right! I was wrong. You straightened me out. I've come up with someting much better and I owe it all to you! That's why I using your bank!"
The banker asks what his new invention is. The guy smiles and pulls out more...

This is a compilation of actual student GCSE answers.
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by
Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants
have to live elsewhere.
2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first
book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an
apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my
brother's son?"
3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients.
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He
died before he ever reached Canada.
4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them
we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a
female moth.
6. more...

One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eight grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot. The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice more...