Invention Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday school quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade ages in Ohio.

They were collected over a period of three years by two teachers. Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers, and of course, spelling!

Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate Of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it.

Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was A actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds Like he was sort of busy too. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and more...

Henry Ford died and went to heaven, where St. Peter met him at the gates. "You have been such a good man and your invention, the assembly line, changed the world," said St. Peter. "As a reward, you may hang out with anyone you want to in heaven."
Henry thought about it for a moment and replied, "I would like to hang out with God Himself." St. Peter took Henry to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
"Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?" Henry asked.
"Yes, I am," God replied.
"Well," Henry said, "there are some major design flaws in your invention:
There's too much front end protrusion.
Maintenance is very costly.
It chatters at high speeds.
It is constantly in need of repainting and refinishing.
It is out of commission 5 or 6 days out of every 28.
The rear end wobbles too much.
The intake is positioned much too close to the exhaust."
"Hmmmm, just a more...

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates, St. Peter greets Ford, and tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy, and your invention... the assembly line for the automobiles... changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want."
Ford thinks about it, and says, "I want to hang out with God Himself."
So, the befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and introduces him to God. Ford then asks God, "When you invented woman, what were you thinking?"
God asks, "What do you mean?"
"Well," says Ford, "you have some major design flaws in your invention:
There's too much front end protrusion.
It chatters way too much at high speeds.
Maintenance is extremely high.
It constantly needs repainting and refinishing.
It is out of commission at least 5 or 6 of every 28 days.
The rear end wobbles too much.
The intake is placed too close to the more...

'You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.' - Frank Zappa.
'Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.' - Ernest Hemingway.
'Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.' - Winston Churchill.
'He was a wise man who invented beer.' - Plato.
'Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.' - Catherine Zondonella.
'A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.' - W. C. Fields.
'Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.' - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill.
'Madam, if you were my wife I would drink it.' - Churchill's reply.
'Sir, you're drunk!' - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill.
'Yes madam, and you're ugly. But in the morning I will be sober.' - Churchill's reply.
'If God had more...

Henry Ford went to heaven upon his death and was given a warm welcome at the pearly gates. St. Peter, after completing the formalities, asked him how he would like to spend his time.
Ford, the great inventor, asked to see some of the inventors before him. So St. Peter printed out the list of all the inventors currently (doing time) in heaven.
As Ford started to go through the list, he came across the name Adam. He queried if it was the same guy who discovered Eve, the woman. St Peters confirmed that indeed Adam was the man credited with the discovery of women.
Ford requested an audience with Adam, as he had a few things to straighten out with him.
When the scheduled meeting took place, Ford was all over Adam, attacking him for the flaws in his invention. "Your invention is the most stupid work of engineering I ever saw. There is too much of front end protrusion, the rear end wobbles too much, it chatters at high speeds and the intake is placed too close to the more...

Beer and the quotes it has helped create over the years... I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in themorning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - -Frank SinatraThe problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. - -William Butler YeatsAn intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. - -Ernest HemingwayAlways do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. - -Ernest HemingwayYou're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. - -Dean MartinDrunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it. - -AnonymousNo animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink. - -G. K. ChestertonTime is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. - -Catherine ZandonellaAbstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. - -Ambrose BierceReality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. - more...

Scientists gathered three musicians together and asked them to name the greatest invention of the 20th century. The guitarist said the "wah-wah pedal" was the greatest invention.
After that, they asked the drummer and he said the "bass pedal" was the greatest invention.
Then finally, when asking the bass player, he said the "Stanley thermos" was the greatest invention.
Confused, they asked him how he figured that, and he said:
"Hot or cold how does it know, HOW DOES IT KNOW!?!?!?!"