"Ode to beer" joke

'You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.' - Frank Zappa.
'Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.' - Ernest Hemingway.
'Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.' - Winston Churchill.
'He was a wise man who invented beer.' - Plato.
'Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.' - Catherine Zondonella.
'A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.' - W. C. Fields.
'Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.' - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill.
'Madam, if you were my wife I would drink it.' - Churchill's reply.
'Sir, you're drunk!' - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill.
'Yes madam, and you're ugly. But in the morning I will be sober.' - Churchill's reply.
'If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.' - David Daye.
'When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.' - Henny Youngman.
'Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.' - Benjamin Franklin.
'If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.' - Jack Handy.
'Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.' - Dave Barry.
'The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.' - Humphrey Bogart.
'Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.' - David Moulton.
'People who drink light beer don't like the taste of beer, they just like to pee a lot.' - Capital Brewery, Middleton, Wisconsin.
'Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.' - Kaiser Wilhelm.
'I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.' - Homer Simpson.
'Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.' - Unknown
'I drink to make other people interesting.' - George Jean Nathan.
'They who drink beer will think beer.' - Washington Irving.
'An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.' - Ernest Hemingway in For Whom the Bell Tolls.
'You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.' - Dean Martin.
'All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.' - Homer Simpson.