Ernest Jokes

I know a mother-in-law who sleeps in her spectacles, the better to see her son-in-law suffer in her dreams. - Attributed to Ernest Coquelin

However much you dislike you mother-in-law you must not set fire to her. - Ernest Wild

Distrust all mothers-in-law. They are completely unscrupulous in what they say in court. The wife's mother is always more prejudiced against the husband than even the most ill-treated wife. If I had my way, I am afraid I would abolish mothers-in-law entirely. - Sir Geoffrey Wrangham

Behind every successful man stands a devoted wife and a surprised mother-in-law.

Adam and Eve were the happiest and the luckiest couple in the world, because neither of them had a mother-in-law.

Sometimes you cannot tell if a man is trying so hard to be a success to please his wife or to spite his mother-in-law.

Does it really surprise anyone that Mother-in-Law's Day occurs less than one week before more...

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline; it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

Frank Zappa
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. Ernest Hemmingway
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Winston Churchill
He was a wise man who invented beer. Plato
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. Catherine

Zandonella
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

W. C. Fields
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. His reply
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.

David Daye
Work is the curse of the drinking class. Oscar more...

While visiting Fox and Friends recently, Ernest Borgnine whispered in the host's ear that the secret to his long life is masturbation.

Just a mental picture of that is enough to take a few years OFF my life.

Maternity Room is a do-it-yourself with fresh straw, a jack knife and a string. Anesthesiologist in bib overalls, feeds you a clear liquid out of a mason jar. Your Gynecologist is Ernest. Your Proctologist, who watched Deliverance 200 times, asks you if can squeal like a pig. The Interns are led by Ernest T. Bass. Surgical instruments include a stick of dynamite and a chain saw. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.You think the stock market has a fence around it.

. .. Ambulance is a mule driven buckboard with a spinning lantern.

... Nurses wear flour sack uniforms and look like burned out cloggers.

... Dogs hang around O.R. for scraps.

... Maternity Room is a do-it-yourself with fresh straw, a jack knife and a string.

... Anesthesiologist in bib overalls, feeds you a clear liquid out of a mason jar.

... Your Gynecologist is Ernest.

... Your Proctologist, who watched Deliverance 200 times, asks you if can squeal like a pig.

... The Interns are led by Ernest T. Bass.

... Surgical instruments include a stick of dynamite and a chain saw.

... Hospital food consist of picking-your-own corn on the roof.

... Immunizations are worn fanny-packs, full of lizard's feet, owl's beaks and pig's ears.

... Double By-Pass Surgery is only done when it's shown on The Learning Channel.

... You have a choice of walkers, with or without more...