Ernest Jokes / Recent Jokes

You might be a reneck if...

Ambulance is a mule driven buckboard with a spinning lantern.

Nurses wear flour sack uniforms and look like burned out cloggers.

Dogs hang around O. R. for scraps.

Maternity Room is a do-it-yourself with fresh straw, a jack knife and a string.

Anesthesiologist in bib overalls, feeds you a clear liquid out of a mason jar.

Your Gynecologist is Ernest.

Your Proctologist, who watched Deliverance 200 times, asks you if can squeal like a pig.

The Interns are led by Ernest T. Bass.

Surgical instruments include a stick of dynamite and a chain saw.

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline; it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

Frank Zappa
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. Ernest Hemmingway
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Winston Churchill
He was a wise man who invented beer. Plato
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. Catherine

Zandonella
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

W. C. Fields
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. His reply
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.

David Daye
Work is the curse of the drinking class. Oscar more...

While visiting Fox and Friends recently, Ernest Borgnine whispered in the host's ear that the secret to his long life is masturbation.

Just a mental picture of that is enough to take a few years OFF my life.

'You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.' - Frank Zappa.
'Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.' - Ernest Hemingway.
'Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.' - Winston Churchill.
'He was a wise man who invented beer.' - Plato.
'Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.' - Catherine Zondonella.
'A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.' - W. C. Fields.
'Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.' - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill.
'Madam, if you were my wife I would drink it.' - Churchill's reply.
'Sir, you're drunk!' - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill.
'Yes madam, and you're ugly. But in the morning I will be sober.' - Churchill's reply.
'If God had more...