Winston Jokes

Eugene d'Albert (noted German composer) was married six times. At an evening reception which he attended with his fifth wife shortly after their wedding, he presented the lady to a friend who said politely, "Congratulations, Herr d'Albert; you have rarely introduced me to so charming a wife." During a visit to America, Winston Churchill was invited to a buffet luncheon at which cold fried chicken was served. Returning for a second helping, he asked politely, "May I have some breast?" "Mr. Churchill," replied the hostess, "in this country we ask for white meat or dark meat." Churchill apologized profusely. The following morning, the lady received a magnificent orchid from her guest of honor. The accompanying card read: "I would be most obliged if you would pin this on your white meat." Sentenced to two years hard labor (for Sodomy), Oscar Wilde stood handcuffed in driving rain waiting for transport to prison. "If this is the way more...

Winston Churchill (whose mother was American) was Prime Minister of Britain during World War II.
These are some insults he was involved in -
Lady Astor – "Winston, if you were my husband, I would put poison in your coffee."
Winston Churchill – "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it!"
Bessie Braddock – "Winston, you're drunk!"
Winston – "Bessie, you are ugly, but tomorrow morning, I shall be sober!"
Bernard Shaw sent Churchill two tickets to a first night, with a note saying – "Bring a friend – if you have one."
Churchill replied, saying that he could not attend the first night as he was busy, and asked for tickets for the second night – "If you have one."

A lady who was known as Winston Churchill's main rival in Parliament was giving a speech. Churchill, with his usual enthusiasm for his adversary, dozed off while the lady was speaking.
Indignant, she stopped her presentation and awoke Sir Winston by yelling,' Mr Churchill, must you sleep while I talk?'
Churchill replied sleepily,' No, ma'am. I do so purely by choice.'

Eugene d'Albert (noted German composer) was married six times. At an evening reception which he attended with his fifth wife shortly after their wedding, he presented the lady to a friend who said politely, "Congratulations, Herr d'Albert; you have rarely introduced me to so charming a wife." During a visit to America, Winston Churchill was invited to a buffet luncheon at which cold fried chicken was served. Returning for a second helping, he asked politely, "May I have some breast?" "Mr. Churchill," replied the hostess, "in this country we ask for white meat or dark meat." Churchill apologized profusely. The following morning, the lady received a magnificent orchid from her guest of honor. The accompanying card read: "I would be most obliged if you would pin this on your white meat." Sentenced to two years hard labor (for Sodomy), Oscar Wilde stood handcuffed in driving rain waiting for transport to prison. "If this is the way more...

Winston Peters is visiting a school.
In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stands up and offersthat, "if my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy".
"No," Winston says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."
A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy". "I'm afraid not, "explains Winston, "that is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room is silent, none of the other children volunteer. "What?" asks Winston, "isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Winston Peters was blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a more...