Iron Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book." "How current is your copy?" he asks. "I get a download every ten minutes," St. Peter replies, "why do you ask?" "I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was immanent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet." "I'm glad to hear that," Pete says, "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?" The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Humm, well there was this one time when I was drivin' down a road and I saw a giant group of biker gang members harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, more...

A man who had raped 5 women, who had killed 10 men with his bare hands, who had molested 15 children and who had voted for democrats died. As per the age old practise the Satan let him choose the fashion in which he was to spend all eternity.
Behind this first door was the old familiar room with a floor of knobbed iron. As far as the eye could see, there were people standing on their heads. The iron knobs dug into their skulls and the man shuddered as he heard their pathetic moans of pain. "Not for me," he said, and slammed the door.
The second door as again you know was leading to a vast room with more people standing on their heads, this time on a hard wood floor, rife with splinters. The man backed away from the cries of pain and slammed this door as well.
Finally, with sinking heart, the man opened the third door. Here an entirely different sight met his eyes: In this room Mr. Clinton was having a jolly good time naked in bed with Julia Roberts. "This is more...

Tiger Woods went on holiday to Mississippi, while he was on vacation he decided to go for a game of golf to get a little practice in.
As he arrived at the course he is stopped by the green keeper.
"Sorry" says the green keeper, "we don't allow coloured people on this course" he says." In fact if you want a game theres a course just a 4 iron away for your sort" he says. " Don't you know i'm tiger Woods?" says Tiger. " Oh i'm very sorry then sir, I didn't recognise you, in that case it's only a six iron for you then"

A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St.
Pete is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of
entering. Saint Peter goes through the books several times,
furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you
did
anything really good in your life but, you never did anything bad
either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed
that you did in your life, you're in."
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one
time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a giant group of KKK
Biker Gang Members assaulting this poor guy. I slowed down my
car to see what was going on, and sure enough, there they were, about 50
of' em torturing this guy.
Infuriated, I get out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk,
and walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a
studded leather jacket and a chain more...

Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron," then we could
do without the ironing lady.
Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to fuck me properly we could do
without the gardener.

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He
>is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the
>green.
>
>He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,
>"Ribbit 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
>"Ribbit. 9 iron."
>
>He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts
>his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits it 10
>inches from the cup. He is shocked!
>
>He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky
>frog, eh?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. Lucky frog."
>
>The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
>"What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit. 3 wood."
>
>The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is
>befuddled and doesn't know what to say.
>
>By the end of the day, the man golfed more...

A husband walks into Frederick's of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself.

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at least iron it!"

He never heard the shot.

Funeral services are pending.