Jesse Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jessie James and his gang are attacking a train outside of Oklahoma City. As they go through each car, they line up the travelers and prepare to take all their loot. As Jesse entered the first car he yelled, "Okay, everybody, we're going to rape all the men and rob all the women!"Upon hearing this, his brother Frank turned to him and said, "ah, Jessie, don't you mean we're going to rob all the men and rape all the women?" With that said, a little fairy in the corner pops up and says..."Listen, you heard Jessie... he's the boss!"

' 'We're going to give the press a ten minute head start, then that's what we're going to hunt.'' -- Ventura, in a pre-hunting interview with television reporters

' 'Being able to put two rounds into the same hole from 25 meters! That's gun control.'' -- Ventura, during a pre-election radio interview on the crime issue

' 'Did I die?'' -- Governor-elect Jesse Ventura, on the number of roses that were sent to him after his Nov. 3 victory.

' 'Anyway, I've done way more stupid things on alcohol than I have on pot.'' -- Jesse Ventura, in a pre-election discussion on the decriminalization of marijuana

' 'The people in Washington could not be more surprised if Fidel Castro came loping across the Midwestern prairie on the back of a Hippopotamus.'' -- Dan Rather, in a flustered election night report of the Ventura upset.

1. The Communist Manifesto as read by Ronald Reagan
2. The Torah as read by Louis Farrakhan
3. The Koran as read by Sammy Davis Junior
4. The Bible as read by Madeleine Murray O`Hare
5. Walden as read by James Watt
6. The Anarchist`s Cookbook as read by Theodore Kaczinsky
7. How To win Friends and Influence People as read by Dennis Rodman
8. Europe on $10 a Day as read by Steve Forbes
9. The Godfather as read by John Gotti
10. Mr. Boston`s Bar Guide as read by Ted Kennedy
11. Heather has 2 Mommies as read by Jesse Helms
12. The Diary of Anne Frank as read by Jesse Jackson
13. The Physician`s Desk Reference as read by Dr. Jack Kevorkian
14. Catcher in the Rye as read by Mark Chapman
15. Uncle Tom`s Cabin as read by George Wallace
17. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus as read by 2 Live Crew
18. The Cat in the Hat as read by BF Skinner
19. Where the Wild Things Are as read by Michael more...

1. The Communist Manifesto as read by Ronald Reagan

2. The Torah as read by Louis Farrakhan

3. The Koran as read by Sammy Davis Junior

4. The Bible as read by Madeleine Murray O`Hare

5. Walden as read by James Watt

6. The Anarchist`s Cookbook as read by Theodore Kaczinsky

7. How To win Friends and Influence People as read by Dennis Rodman

8. Europe on $10 a Day as read by Steve Forbes

9. The Godfather as read by John Gotti

10. Mr. Boston`s Bar Guide as read by Ted Kennedy

11. Heather has 2 Mommies as read by Jesse Helms

12. The Diary of Anne Frank as read by Jesse Jackson

13. The Physician`s Desk Reference as read by Dr. Jack Kevorkian

14. Catcher in the Rye as read by Mark Chapman

15. Uncle Tom`s Cabin as read by George Wallace

Jesse Jackson is visiting a primary school and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the Reverend Jackson if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy." So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy."
One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.
"No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted spiritual leader. "That's what we would call a great loss."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer.
Rev. Jackson searches the room. more...

Jesse Jackson is visiting a primary school and he visits one of the classes. They're in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the "Rev" Jackson if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy."
So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy."
"No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "That would be an accident."
A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted spiritual leader. "That's what we would call a great loss."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Rev. Jackson searches the more...

Jessie James and his gang are attacking a train outside of Oklahoma City. As they go through each car, they line up the travelers and prepare to take all their loot.
As Jesse entered the first car he yelled, "Okay, everybody, we're going to rape all the men and rob all the women!"
Upon hearing this, his brother Frank turned to him and said, "ah, Jessie, don't you mean we're going to rob all the men and rape all the women?"
With that said, a little fairy in the corner pops up and says...
"Listen, you heard Jessie...he's the boss!"