Jesus Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny and Katie are sitting in school.
Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.
"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Little Johnny sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!! " Exclaimed Katie.
"Correct." Says the teacher.
So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Little Johnny's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.
"Correct again." Says the teacher.
So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Little Johnny's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"

A preacher phoned the city's newspaper. "Thank you very much," said he, "for the error you made when you announced my sermon topic for last Sunday. The topic I sent you was 'What Jesus Saw in A Publican.' You printed it as 'What Jesus Saw in a Republican' I had the biggest crowd of the year!"

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous that he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
The next Sunday, he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon when he got nervous, he took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
Sip the vodka; don't gulp.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey; he did not "bet his ass."
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior, and the spook.
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit outta him.
When David was hit more...

1) Nice bible.
2) I would like to pray with you.
3) You know Jesus? Me too.
4) God told me to come talk to you.
5) I know a church where we could go and talk.
6) How about a hug, sister?
7) Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy.
8) Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug.
9) Oh you are cold, Ecclesiastes 4: 11
10) Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
11) What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study?
12) I am here for you.
13) The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry," how about dinner?
14) You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither.
15) Do you want to come over and watch the Ten Commandments tonight?
16) Is it a sin that you stole my heart?
17) Would you happen to know a Christian woman (man) that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot?
18) Nice bracelet. What would Jesus date? I mean more...

Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective. One was Polish, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. Rather than ask the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked, "Who killed Jesus Christ?"The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.When the Polish man arrived for his interview, he was asked the exact same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tommorrow."When the Polish man arrived home, his wife asked "How did The interview go?" He more...

While in the process of robbing a house the thief heard a voice whisper, "Jesus is watching you." He quickly turned around and searched the room with his flashlight but saw no one. Going back to what he was doing he again heard the voice, "Jesus is watching you." Again he stopped and scanned the room with his flashlight. Finally he spotted a small parrot in a bird cage.
Walking over to the parrot he asked if it was the one talking to him. The little parrot bobbed his head up and down and said, "Jesus is watching you."
"I gather your name is Jesus," said the thief.
"Nope, it's Moses," replied the parrot.
"Oh please, who in the world would name their parrot Moses," the thief said.
"The same people who named their Pit Bull Jesus," was the parrot's reply.

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone Brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Fathers business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures. But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He had to more...