Job Jokes / Recent Jokes

DEAR WIFE

I'm writing this letter to you to tell you that I'm leaving you.

I've been a good man to you for seven years, yet I have nothing to show for it.

Life with you is unbearable. I called you at work just to see if you wanted to have lunch ( you know, maybe try to reconnect) and your boss told me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new aircut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand-new pair of silk boxers to bed.

You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching TV. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want to be intimate or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore.

Whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your Ex-husband

P. S.: Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving to West Virginia, if that's a problem, TOUGH!

DEAR more...

Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring that lazy Cajun, so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was - "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three trees.

The boss says, "What in the world is that?"
Boudreaux says, "Tree' n tree' n tree makes nine."
"Fair enough" says the boss. "Second questions, same rules, but represent 99".

Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir," he says.

The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
Boudreaux answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree' n more...

A father takes his deaf mute son to the Godfather.....

Father: Godfather my boy is a good boy but he can't get a job because he's a deaf mute.

Godfather: I will give him a job as a bag man. He will pick up the money from my bookies and bring it back here. he doesn't have to talk to anybody. Two weeks go by and the Father is grabbed off the street brought to the

Godfathers office. His Son is sitting in a chair all beat up.

Godfather: $50,000.00 is missing, ask your Son where it is. The Father: turns to the boy and in sign language says...."What did you do? Where is the money? they are going to kill you!

Son: (in sign language) I don't know anything about the money

Father: Godfather my Son is a good boy. He says he didn't steal any money

Godfather: Pulls a gun from his drawer and lays it on the desk and says..."ask him again" The Father: (in sign language) This guy is serious, he's going to kill more...

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes, he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them one question and their answer would determine who would get the job.
The day came, and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" pointing to the man on his right. The first man replied, "A thought. It pops into your head. There's no fore-warning
that it's on the way, it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir," he asked the second man. "Hmm....let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know it ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer "The blink of an eye. That's a very popular clich? more...

1. You've ever cut your grass and found a car. 2. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't. 3. You think the stock market has a fence around it. 4. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in-Theater. 5. You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu. 6. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 7. You own a homemade fur coat. 8. Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns. 9. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 10. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so Ican take a bath." 11. You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my ship came in." 12. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen. 13. The Salvation Army declines your mattress. 14. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen. 15. Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call fromthe Governor to spare a loved one. 16. Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hallbecause of her language. 17. Someone more...

To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers.
"Hi," you should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my job?"
If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs,
however, will require some work.
There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:
1. Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and,
2. Going to meetings.
Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because
that's where the real prestige is. It is all very well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are never going to get a position of power, a position where you can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single more...

I am accepting applications for "Long Term Booty Call with sentimental value"