Jock Jokes / Recent Jokes

BETTER TO BE A JOCK OR A NERD?
To help you in formulating your answer, the following should be considered:
Michael Jordan will make more than $300,000 a game, $10,000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game. Assuming he also makes $40 million in endorsements next year, he will be making $178,000 a day, working or not.
If he goes to see a movie, it will cost him $8.00 (without popcorn and drink), but will make $18,500 while he is there.
If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he will make $618 while boiling it. He makes $7,415 per hour more than minimum wage, even after the wage hike.
He will make $3,710 while watching each episode of "FRIENDS". If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX (cost $90,000), it will take him a whole 12 hours to earn the money.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at a rate of 2 dollars every second. He will probobly pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, more...

Once upon a time in a place where little sperms grow, there was a super jock sperm who spent all his time working out. He did things like lifting weights and running, his most important duty. All the other sperm were very curious about his pastimes." Why do you keep working out all the time," they asked." Well," he said, "Of all us sperms, only one of us is going to make it to the egg. And that is going to be me." Well, the other sperms just floated around waiting for the day to cum (pardon the expression). And it did, and they were off! All those sperms racing along and far out in front of them was the super jock sperm, racing so fast and so hard (ha HA ) that they couldn't see him any more, but they still kept cumming. Alas, then, away in the distance, they heard a loud piercing scream. They still kept cumming though. And then very shortly the super sperm appeared, screaming with all his might, "Go back, Go Back! IT'S A BLOW JOB!"

Jock's nephew came to him with a problem. "I have my choice of two women," he said, "a beautiful, penniless young girl whom I love dearly, and a rich old widow whom I can't stand."

"Follow your heart; marry the girl you love," Jock counseled.

"Very well, Uncle Jock," said the nephew, "that's sound advice."

"By the way," asked Jock "where does the widow live?"

Sandy McTavish had an old friend, Jock Murdock, who was quite ill. Sandy came to visit and Jock said, "Sandy, I've only a short time to live, I'm on my death bed lad." Sandy knew that and in a non-committal way he said, "Aye, that a' know old friend." Jock turned to Sandy and said, "Sandy, de ye nay ken that old bottle of Scotch that I hae been saving ah these years." Sandy, an aficionado, was immediately attentive and said, "Aye Jock, that I do." Jock said, "ye are guid friend and when I've passed I would have yee pour that Scotch on ma grave." Sandy was profoundly moved for his own reasons. After considering Jocks request for an agonizing period he brightened, turned to Jock. "Aye- aye Jock I'll de that for an old friend, but ye wouldna mind if I put it through my kidneys first."

There was a tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the painting of one their biggest buildings.

Jock put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job. And so he set to erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.

Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened, the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocked Jock clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the more...

Coach Walker enters the locker room and eyes one of his players. "Son, I hate to do this to you. I realize that you're the star of the team, but you're failing your classes and I can't let you play." "Give me a break, coach!" pleads the jock. "I'll tell you what - I'll ask you a question, and if you get it right, you can play... what is two plus two?" The jock counts on his fingers, "one, two, three,... The answer must be four!" "Did you say four?" asks the excited coach. "Sure did, Coach!" As the coach starts to jump and scream in excitement, the other members of the team can be heard begging, "Gee, come on coach, give him another chance!"

Once upon a time in a place where little sperms grow, there was a super jock sperm who spent all his time working out. He did things like lifting weights and running, his most important duty. All the other sperm were very curious about his pastimes.

"Why do you keep working out all the time," they asked.

"Well," he said, "Of all us sperms, only one of us is going to make it to the egg. And that is going to be me." Well, the other sperms just floated around waiting for the day to cum (pardon the expression). And it did, and they were off! All those sperms racing along and far out in front of them was the super jock sperm, racing so fast and so hard (ha HA ) that they couldn't see him any more, but they still kept cumming.

Alas, then, away in the distance, they heard a loud piercing scream. They still kept cumming though.

And then very shortly the super sperm appeared, screaming with all his might, "Go back, more...