Jones Jokes / Recent Jokes

Resume of: Shaynana Chiquita Shanekia "Pookie" Jones ADDRESS: 2036 South Side Skreet, Compton, CA 11122 PHONE: Cut off right now but will be back on by the 15th OBJECTIVE: To one day forefill my dream of bein'a Soul Train danca and you know just gittin' my life togetha and stuff. I also hope to one day be the best cosmotologecalist (you know what I mean)Beauty Speciacalist) there is in my hood. SKILLS: I do hurh (hair) and nails in my kitchen and I be using my glitter and weave bonding glue for arts and crafts and stuff. I be doing braids in any texture or color: synthetic or real human hurh. Black, blonde, brown, dark brown, dark black, gold blonde, dark gold blonde,red, maroon,blue and rainbo colors. EDUCATION: THE "GET YOURS" HOME CORREPONDENCE COURSE, INC. BIG MAMA'S HOUSE OF HAIR N' NAILS N' FRIED CHICKEN N' GREENS (gradmuated with honors for the most extenzions done in a year's time). WORK EXPERIENCE: Big Daddy's Motel Motor Lodge Bar & Grill Pool Hall & Bait more...

CLASSIFIED ERRORS, from a small-town daily:
(Monday) FOR SALE - R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7 p.m. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.
(Tuesday) NOTICE - We regret having erred in R. D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read: One sewing machine for sale. Cheap: 555-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him after 7 p.m.
(Wednesday) NOTICE - R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in his classified ad yesterday. His ad stands corrected as follows: FOR SALE - R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 and ask Mrs. Kelly who loves with him.
(Thursday) NOTICE - I, R. D. Jones, have NO sewing machine for sale. I SMASHED IT. Don't call 555-0707, as the telephone has been disconnected. I have NOT been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she quit."

Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading "Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology".
The town fathers were not too happy with the sign and they proposed "Hysterias and Posteriors".
The Doctors didn't find it acceptable, and suggested "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids".
The town didn't like that either and countered with "Catatonics and High Colonics".
Thumbs down again, by now the story was in the papers and suggestions began rolling in: "Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives." "Minds and Behinds" "Lost Souls and Ass-holes" "Analysis and Anal Cysts" "Queers and Rears" "Nuts and Butts" "Freaks and Cheeks" "Loons and Moons"
None of these satisfied one side or the other, but they finally settled on "Dr Smith & Dr Jones, Odds & Ends"

Ninety-two-year-old actor Harrison Ford says he feels fit to continue to play Indiana Jones despite growing older.
"Indiana Jones Tries to Figure Out His Medicare Part D Co-Pay Charges," opens summer 2007.
Scene From Indiana Jones 4.

Indy whips his Nazi pharmacist to death.

There was a country doctor who was the only doctor for miles around. He wanted to go on a fishing trip so he called the vet and asked him to look after things while he was gone.
The vet asked, "Is anything happening?"
The doctor replied, "Mrs. Jones is about due, but I don't think the baby will come before I get back. Anyway, if it does, just deliver it. This is her third and the first two went really easily."
The vet said, "okay" and the doctor went on the fishing trip.
When he returned, he called the vet. "How did things go while I was gone?" "Pretty good." "Did Mrs. Jones have her baby?" "Yes, it was a 8 pound boy. Everyone's doing fine." "Did you have any trouble?" "Well, there was just one little problem." "What was that?" "I had a terrible time getting her to eat the afterbirth!"

Jones applied to a finance agency for a job, but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he''d get the job.

Two hours later, Jones came back with the entire amount. "Amazing!" The manager said. "How did you do it?"

"Easy," Jones replied. "I told him if he didn''t pay up, I''d tell all his other creditors he paid us."

There was a country doctor who was the only doctor for miles around. He wanted to go on a fishing trip so he called the vet and asked him to look after things while he was gone.The vet asked, "Is anything happening?"The doctor replied, "Mrs. Jones is about due, but I don't think the baby will come before I get back. Anyway, if it does, just deliver it. This is her third and the first two went really easily."The vet said, "okay" and the doctor went on the fishing trip.When he returned, he called the vet. "How did things go while I was gone?" "Pretty good." "Did Mrs. Jones have her baby?" "Yes, it was a 8 pound boy. Everyone's doing fine." "Did you have any trouble?" "Well, there was just one little problem." "What was that?" "I had a terrible time getting her to eat the afterbirth!"