Jordan Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following came through a long sequence of forwardings, but managed to
retain an attribution:
Kathy Dysert
[email protected]
Here's something that came to my husband with some other information.
AND HERE IS SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT:
Jordan will make over $300,000 a game, $10,000 a minute assuming he
averages about 30 minutes a game.
Assuming $40 mil in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178,100 a day
(working or not)!
Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while
visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see Independence Day, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make
$18,550 while he's there.
If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.
He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage (after the wage hike)
He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Seinfeld.
If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a
whole 12 more...

A Thanksgiving Cookbook
by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class
NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be reponsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook.
Ivette - Banana Pie
You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it.
Russell - Turkey
You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it.
Geremy - Turkey
You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat.
Andrew - Pizza
Buy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.
Shelby - Applesauce
Go to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish them up. Then you put more...

Jordan: Do you know how to keep an [ethnic] from drowning?
Mike: No.
Jordan: Good.

An answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?" Michael Jordan will make over $300, 000 a game: $10, 000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game. Assuming $40 million in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178, 100 a day (working or not)! Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52, 000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head. If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7. 00, but he'll make $18, 550 while he's there. If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it. He makes $7, 415/hr more than minimum wage (after the wage hike). He'll make $3, 710 while watching each episode of Friends. If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90, 000) it would take him a whole 12 hours. If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2. 00 every second. He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33, more...

Little Jordan wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents, Al and Elaine, for days. Finally Elaine talked Jordan's reluctant father into taking him. And so Jordan and Al got into the car and left. "So how was it?" Elaine asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Jordan replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked Elaine. "Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Jordan, excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!"

The answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd"?
Michael Jordan made over $300, 000 a game. That equals $10, 000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per game.
With $40 million in endorsements, he made $178, 100 a day, working or not.
If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52, 000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $9. 50, but he'll make $18, 550 while he's there.
If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.
He makes $7, 415/hr more than minimum wage.
He'd make $3, 710 while watching each episode of Friends.
If he wanted to save up for a new Acura SLX (about $90, 000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2. 00 every second.
He'd probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed around more...

One night, a twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dahlia Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.

"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the more...