Judaism Jokes

Exhausted and overworked, Santa Claus has decided to convert to
Judaism to lessen his workload and decrease his stress.

Mr. Claus' first inkling that Judaism was his new intended path,
was when he was unloading one particularly heavy bag of gifts and
muttered "Oy Oy Oy!" instead of "Ho Ho Ho!" Santa took this as
divine inspiration and began some serious reflection on the matter.

Mr. Claus sat down at his desk in the North Pole and itemized the
benefits of bringing toys to Jewish children. Most obvious was
that there were much less children to service, approximately
3, 000, 000 Jewish children, as opposed to almost 500, 000, 000
Christian children.

The next obvious benefit was that he had eight days of Hanukah to
deliver all of these gifts instead of jamming the entire shipment
into one night, which constantly required the already weary Santa
to travel at the speed of light to more...

There was a Christian woman who was seeking to convert to Judaism to please her Jewish husband. She was following a rabbi's instructions in a long process.
The rabbi asked her to go into a mikveh and dunk her head to finish the conversion. The woman responded with: "I just went to the beauty parlor and head my hair done. The permit cost me $35.00. Is there any way I can go in without dunking my head?".
The rabbi paused for a minute and replied:
"Yes, you can go in without dunking your head. However, you'll still have a goyishe kup".

JERUSALEM - In a surprise move today, Judaism filed suit against the Catholic Church, claiming Catholicism copied the "look and feel" of the religion.
Judaism, which has held the patent on the concept of a monotheistic religion for over 3500 years as well as the copyright on Yahweh (tm) The Old Testament (tm) and the use of "CH" for the "H" sound, is suing for 2000 years of back royalties.
They are also asking that the court disallow the use of the term "Judeo-Christian" from all textbooks. The Pope was unavailable for comment, but a spokesman from the Vatican stated the suit was unfounded as the patent on the concepts shared by the two religions has long expired, and that the suit violates the separation of church and state.
More news as the case develops.

SHIT HAPPENS in various world religions
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Taoism: Shit happens.
If you can shit, it isn't shit.
Shit happens, so flow with it.
Hare Krishna: Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens,
she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become one with she-it)
Please this flower and buy our shit.
Confucianism: Confucious say, "Shit happens".
Confucious says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen
PROPERLY."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.
Shit will happen again to you next time.
Only he who totally gives up the desire for shit will
have salvation.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
7th Day Adventism:
Shit happens on Saturdays.
Hinduism: I've seen this shit happening before.
This shit is not a religion, it is the way of more...

There are many forms of Judaism:Cardiac Judaism -- in my heart I am a Jew.Gastronomic Judaism -- we eat Jewish foods.Pocketbook Judaism -- I give to Jewish causes.Drop-off Judaism -- drop the kids off at Sunday school
and go out to breakfast.Two-Times a Year Judaism -- attend service Rosh
Hashanah and Yom Kippur.