Jump Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into. The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!"The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away... theBrunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato." C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the Redhead." Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead." No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!""OK" says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!""No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde." No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket more...
DAY 1:
one day a little girl wanted to go to the park to jump rope and when she got there a boy asked her to climb up the tree to get his ball she did this and then went home
when so got home she said
GIRL: mommy today at the park I climbed the tree and got the ball for the boys
MOTHER: you should not do that in a dress!
GIRL: why mommy?
MOTHER: because all the boys want is to see your underwear!
DAY 2:
when the girl woke up the next day she got dressed and went to the park she had just started to jumprope when a boy asked her to climb the tree to get his ball so she did and then went home when she got home she said to her mother
GIRL: mommy i got the ball out of the tree for the boys again today
MOTHER: I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT THEY JUST WANT TO SEE YOUR UNDERWEAR!
DAY 3:
after getting yelled at by her mother the little girl said those boys will never see my underwear every again so she went to the park and started to jump rope in her more...
A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off a high diving board in to a swimming pool. He climed to the top of the board, looked down and promptly climbed down again. `What's the matter?' asked the director. `I can't jump from that board!' said the actor. `Do you know there's only one foot of water in that pool?'' Yes,' said the director. `We don't want you to drown, you know.'
Jimmy, a trainee paratrooper was about to perform his first jump. Being dead scared, he allowed all his other friends to jump first. As his turn came, however, he chickened out despite repeated verbal abuses from his training sergeant.
His sergeant couldn't take it anymore and shouted, "If you don't jump now, I'll shove my dick up your ass!"
Relating the story to his father, Jimmy's dad asked, "So son, did you jump after all?"
"Yeah," Jimmy replied, "a little at first..."
A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below. He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing. He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life." Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind." "Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly..."My asshole itches, and I can't scratch it!"
Three men, a doctor, a minister, and a lawyer take a fishing boat out onto the ocean. A terrible storm arises, and the boat takes a great quantity of water. Fearing that they will all die, they decide that one of them must jump into the shark infested waters so that the other two may live.
The minister volunteers, saying that God will take care of him. He jumps in and is immediately eaten by the sharks.
More water comes into the boat. They decide that one of the two remaining people must jump in. The doctor says "I have spent my entire life healing people, certainly I will survive the ocean." He jumps in and is immediately eaten by the sharks.
A person is walking along the shore line. He sees the boat being pushed by sharks onto the shore. It reaches the shore, and the lawyer steps out calmly. The man runs to the lawyer, and says "hey, what was that all about?"
The lawyer says "Professional courtesy."