Keeper Jokes / Recent Jokes

Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did
you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own
business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15
minutes!"
The doctor chimed more...

While on a tour my SriLankan friend saw a travelling Circus. At the entrance there was a sign with the following written on it. The person who make this elephant shake his head will win a prize of 500 Dollars.
My friend went inside and had look at the elephant and noticed that it was from Sri Lanka. He went upto the keeper and told him that he could do it. The keeper looked at him very sarcastically and said I had people from US, Uk and all other countries who tried it but failed.
My friend said that given a chance he could give a try at it. So he walked up to the stage and squeezed the testacles of the elephant. The elephant did not show any response. The keeper said you will never do this, but my friend said show me your prize then I shall do it.
After seeing the cash prize he walked upto the elephant and whispered to his ear and said this. "Ali Malli Thawa Paarak Mirikannada". The elephant promptly shook his head and requested him to do it again.
My more...

What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses? Nothing, he didn't recognize them!

A Story to tell your children……..
Once upon a time, in the Valley of Silicon, the two-headed Wizard of Apples went for a walk. The two heads, both of which were named Steve, looked around, and spied a beautiful PARC.
“This is truly a beautiful PARC! ” Steve exclaimed.
“Yes, it is, ” agreed Steve. “It is very graphical. And do you see how happy the mice are? ” For indeed, the joyful rodents scampered about, running in and out of windows, around icons, and leaping over the garbage cans.
“Do you think we could make a PARC as beautiful as this? ” Steve asked.
“Nay, ” said Steve. “Not a PARC, but perhaps we can let this inspire us to build a woman. And we could call her… Gertrude. ”
And so they fashioned their woman, but instead of Gertrude, they called her Lisa. And she, too, was nice to mice. But alas, the User rejected Lisa, for it was said her price was too high.
“But this will never do, ” the User cried. “Do you more...

A lion in the London Zoo was lying in the sun licking its arse when
a visitor turned to the keeper and said, 'That's a docile old thing, isn't it?'
'No way,' said the keeper, 'it's the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged an Australian tourist into the cage and completely devoured him.'
'Hardly seems possible,' said the astonished visitor, 'but why is it lying there licking its arse?'
'The poor thing is trying to get the taste out of its mouth.'

There was a boy with speach problems and his mother asked him if he could by her a few things at the shops. First he went to the hardware store and he asked for a fucket and the shop keeper says a what? and the boy said a fucket there about that big and you can fill it with water and the shop keeper said oh a bucket so he gave the a bucket the boy went to the bakery and asked for a bum and the bakery guy said a what? a bum there about this small and you can put salad in them and the bakery guy said oh a bun so he gave the a bun then the boy went to the pet store and asked for a cockandspankit. then the shop keeper said a what? then the boy said a cockandspankit there about this big and they bark then the shop keeper said oh a cockinspaniel so he gave him the dog the boy went up to a police officer and said can you hold my bum and fucket while i go chase my cockandspankit

a rednek goes to a mart and wins 20 million dallars.
"gimme my money" he says
"we can give you ten million now and the rest is spread out over 19 years." said th shop keeper
"i want it now!" said the rednek.
The shop keeper explains, calmly, again.
"I WANT IT NOW! IF YOU ARENT GOING TO GIVE IT TO ME I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!!" SAID THE REDNEK