Larry Jokes / Recent Jokes

Marty: Do you believe that you will get seven years of bad luck if you break a mirror?

Larry: Of course not. My uncle broke a mirror and he didn't have seven years of bad luck.

Marty: He didn't?

Larry: No, he was hit by a car that same day.

Iowa Senator Larry Craig, who was arrested for lewd conduct in a public restroom issued this statement "I am not gay, but i did try to blow a guy at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Idaho Senator Larry Craig will announce his resignation this morning from the Boise Depot, the city's historic, iconic (and phallic!) train depot.

The 10:30am press conference will be held in the men's rest room, or did you guess?

Which begs the question, Senator, have you no sense of irony, at long last?

Due to mounting pressure Senator Larry Craig is announcing his retirement. I thought mounting pressure is what got him in trouble in the first place?

Larry wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Larry looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.
So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you. ” So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Larry asks, “Son, what happened last night? ”
His son says, “Well, you came home after 3 A. M., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door. ”
Confused, Larry asks, “So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting more...

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives.

Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment. "I got a wife and three kids and I'd love to have you visit us."

"Great. Where do you live?"

"Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I'll let you in."

"Good. But tell me...what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow?"

"Surely, you're not coming empty-handed!"

Larry King's wife grew frustrated picking up his personal belongings off the floor--his clothes, his underwear, and his testicles.