Larry Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three ladies are sitting in a bar. All of them have husbands named Larry. One lady asks, "If you could name your husband after any soda pop, what would it be?"
The first lady thinks for a minute and says, "Moutain Dew, because he can mount and do me anytime."
The second lady thinks for awhile and finally says, "7-Up, because he has seven inches and can always get it up."
The third lady thinks for a long time and finally says, "Jack Daniels."
The other ladies look at her with a confused look and say, "Wait a minute, Jack Daniels is a hard liquor."
The third lady says, "Yep, thats my Larry!"
Harry and Larry rented a rowboat for a day of fishing on the lake.
"Boy, we're doing great!," said Harry. "Let's mark this spot so we can come back here again."
Larry replies, "I already did. See this X I drew on the bottom of the boat?"
"You idiot!", Harry screams, "What if we don't get this boat tomorrow?"
Coach Jones called the young lad in from center field during a Little League game for a conference."See here Larry," said the coach, "you know the principles of good sportsmanship that the Little League practices. You also know we don't tolerate temper tantrums, shouting at the umpire, or abusive language. Do I make myself clear?""Yes, sir," replied Larry."Well, then Larry," sighed Coach Jones, "would you please try to explain it to your mother?"
Larry was just seconds away from receiving a vasectomy, when his brother and sister-in-law barged into the room holding their newborn baby.
"Stop! You can't do this!" exclaimed his brother.
"Why not?" Larry asked.
"Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday, just like we have here?" his brother asked.
Larry remained silent.
His brother grew impatient, "C'mon Larry, I want a nephew. Make me an uncle, Larry."
Finally, Larry couldn't take it any longer. He gave his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asked his brother, "Are you sure you want a nephew?"
"Yes," the brother replied. "It would be an honor."
"Well, congratulations," Larry said, "you're holding him!"
Larry, a local football star, was jogging down the street when he saw a building on fire. A lady was standing on a third-story ledge holding her pet cat in her arms.
"Hey lady!" yelled Larry. "Throw me the cat!"
"No!" she cried. "It's too far!"
"I play football, I can catch him!"
The smoke was pouring from the windows, and finally the woman waved to Larry, kissed her cat goodbye, and tossed it down to the street.
Larry kept his eye on the cat as it came plunging down toward him. The feline bounced off an awning and Larry ran into the street to catch it. He jumped six feet into the air and made a spectacular, one- handed catch. The crowd that had gathered to watch the fire broke into cheers. Larry did a little dance, lifted the cat above his head, wiggled his knees back and forth, then spiked the cat into the pavement.
Larry's barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called the insurancecompany...Susan: We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.Agent: Whoa there just a minute, Susan; it doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.Susan, after a pause: I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.