Lion Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two guys in a jungle, come around a corner and meet a lion head-on pawing the ground. One guy ever so carefully reaches into his knapsack and slowly takes out a set of Nike running shoes, never once breaking eye contact with the lion. 2nd guy hisses: "What are you doing, you can't outrun the lion" 1st guy says: "No, but all I have to do is outrun you"!
Q: What's the difference between an african lion and OJ Simpson?
A: An african lion is an african lion, OJ Simpson is a lyin african!
Q: What's the difference between an african lion and OJ Simpson? A: An african lion is an african lion, OJ Simpson is a lyin african!
Two guys in a jungle, come around a corner and meet a lion head-on pawing the ground.
One guy ever so carefully reaches into his knapsack and slowly takes out a set of Nike running shoes, never once breaking eye contact with the lion.
2nd guy hisses: “What are you doing, you can’t outrun the lion” 1st guy says: “No, but all I have to do is outrun you”!
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.
2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.
3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.
4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.
5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.
6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida's Mascot.
7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you.
8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you're suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den.
9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit.
10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!
What's the difference between a tiger and a lion?
A tiger has the mane part missing!
It seems that when God was making the world, He called man over and bestowed upon him 20 years of normal sex life. Man was horrified! Only 20 years of normal sex life? But the Lord was very adamant - that was all man could have.
Then the Lord called the monkey and gave him 20 years. "But I don't need 20 years", he protested, "ten is plenty for me."
Man spoke up eagerly "Can I have the other ten?" the monkey graciously agreed.
Then the Lord called the lion and gave him 20 years; and the lion, like the monkey, wanted only ten. Again man spoke up "Can I have the other ten?" the lion said of course he could.
Then came the donkey and he was given 20 years - but, like the others, ten was sufficient. And again man pleaded; "Can I have the other ten?"
Which explains why man has 20 years of normal sex life - ten years of monkeying around - ten years of lion about it - and ten years of making an ass of himself.