Lion Jokes / Recent Jokes

How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
' Pleased to eat you.'!

Q: What looks like half a cat? A: The other half! Q: What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater? A: 'Claws.' Q: If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger? A: A stri-ped! Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep? A: A stripey sweater! Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? A: 'Pleased to eat you.'! Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman? A: Frostbite! Q: What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt? A: 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.' Q: What is lion's favorite food? A: Baked beings!

A lion in the London Zoo was lying in the sun licking its arse when a visitor turned to the keeper and said,' That's a docile old thing, isn't it?'
' No way,' said the keeper,' it's the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged an Australian tourist into the cage and completely devoured him.'
' Hardly seems possible,' said the astonished visitor,' but why is it lying there licking its arse?'
' The poor thing is trying to get the taste out of its mouth.'

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts. So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls more...

What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
' Let us prey.'

Fred had just came back from a hiking trip, when his friend, George, asked how it was.
"It was great!" said Fred, except on my way home I accidentally awoke a lion....it started chasing me....at one time he was so close, that I could feel his breath on my neck, but then he slipped! He caught up again, and I could smell his foul breath right behind me, but he slipped again! Then he was so close, his paw reached out, inches away from my shoulders. Yet he slipped, for the third time! That is when I spotted a car and got a ride back here!"
"Wow!", says George, "If that happened to me I would Have wet my pants!!" Fred looks at him and says
"What do you think the lion kept slipping on?"

There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Lion Tamer Barbie. ..lion is included; Barbie's head is not