Lion Jokes / Recent Jokes
A male gorilla at the zoo had been separated from his mate for several months and was really horny. One night after the zoo had closed and all the animal keepers had left, he decided he was going to tear the bars apart and screw the first thing he could find. As he left his cage and ran through the zoo he came upon a lion sleeping in the grass. He really wasn't thrilled with his find but since he had promised himself he would take the first thing he could get, he grabbed the lion and screwed it.
Just as the gorilla finished, the lion awoke and was really pissed. The lion started chasing the gorilla through the zoo and was beginning to gain on him. The gorilla turned a corner and saw a park bench with a newspaper on it. Thinking quickly, the gorilla sat down on the bench and held the newspaper in front of him like he was reading it. When the lion turned the corner he stopped at the park bench. Not knowing what was behind the newspaper he asked the reader if he had seen a more...
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away. The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant - "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"
In Baltimore, Maryland, it is not legal to take a lion to the movies.
One fine day Mister Rabbit goes running around the forest.
He sees a giraffe rolling a joint. "Giraffe, giraffe! Why do you do drugs? Come run with me instead!"
So the giraffe stops rolling his joint and runs with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing lines. Says the rabbit: "Elephant, elephant, why do you do drugs? Come run with us instead."
So the elephant stops and goes running with the two. Then they come across a lion preparing a syringe. "Lion, lion," cries the rabbit, "Why do you do drugs? Come run with us instead."
The lion, with a mighty roar, bangs the rabbit to smithereens.
"No!" the giraffe and the elephant cry. "Why did you do that? All he was trying to do was to help you out!"
The lion replied, "Damn rabbit always makes me run around the friggin' forest when he's on speed!"
One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo-keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts. So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cag e next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls more...
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age. The circus owner tells them, "I'm going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you better be good or you're history. Here is your equipment - a chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The girl says, "I'll go first. She walk past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begin to charge at her, so she throw open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and start licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He remarks, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turn to the young man and asks, "Can more...