Lion Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day an out of work mime ising the zoo and attempt to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office.
The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before crows come. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a more...

A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a giraffe walked in. "Get a load of her" said the mouse, "what a babe!" "Well, why not try your luck?" replied the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to her. Within five minutes they're out the door and into the night. The next day, the lion was drinking in the bar, when the mouse staggered in. The mouse is completely worn out, and can hardly hold himself up. The lion helped his pal up on to a stool, poured a drink down his throat and said, "What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the giraffe, what happened after that? Was she all right?" The mouse replied, "Yeah, she was really something, we went out to dinner, had a couple of glasses of wine, and she invited me back to her place to spend the night. And oh, man! I've never had a night like it!" "But how come you look like you're so exhausted?" asked the lion. more...

A long New Orleans style funeral procession passes by, but instead of a jazz band, it? s lead by a man walking a lion. Behind the coffin walk at least 200 people.
A bystander asks the man,? What? s going on??
? My lion ate my lawyer and this is his funeral,? is the reply.
? Could I borrow your lion?? asks the bystander.? I? ve got a lawyer I? d like to have eaten.?
? Sorry, but you? ll have to get at the end of that line,? said the man, pointing to the 200 people following the coffin.

Q: What is the most breathless thing on television? A: The Pink Panter Show! Q: What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog? A: A terrified postman! Q: When is a lion not a lion? A: When he turns into his cage! Q: What do cat actors say on stage? A: Tabby or not tabby! Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money? A: I'm paw! Q: What do you call a lioin who has eaten your mother's sister? A: An aunt-eater! Q: What do tigers wear in bed? A: Stripey pyjamas! Q: Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge? A: Because it turns "ice" into "mice"!

After seeing footage from the new movie "The Lion King," I want to dedicate a movie to Bill Clinton. I'd like to call it "The Lion President."

Un homme a dit au ringmaster qu'il etait interesse a joindre le cirque comme lion plus docile. Le ringmaster a demande s'il avait n'importe quelle experience que l'homme a dit, "pourquoi, oui. Mon pere etait un des tamers de lion les plus celebres dans le monde, et il m'a enseigne que tout qu'il a su." "vraiment?" a dit le ringmaster. "il vous a enseigne comment faire un lion sautent par un cercle flamboyant?" "oui il, " l'homme repondu. "et il vous a enseigne comment faire former six lions une pyramide?" "oui il, " l'homme repondu. "et ayez-vous jamais coince votre tete dans la bouche d'un lion?" "juste une fois," l'homme a repondu. Le ringmaster a demande, "pourquoi seulement une fois?" L'homme a dit, "je recherchais mon pere."

5 Counterproductive Pick-Up Lines
1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.
2) How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized?
3) My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can't hold it in.
4) If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet you between the holidays?
5) How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.