Liz Jokes / Recent Jokes

Liz Taylor goes in to see her cosmetic surgeon. "I have met the man of my dreams, finally, the love of my life! " she announces to the surgeon, "But I need you to help me with a small problem. This man is only 18 years old, I am truly head over heels in love with him, and don't want to disappoint him in any way, so I want you to make my vagina look like that of an 18 year old." The surgeon tells Liz of the delicate situations involved with this operation, but does finally agree to performing the said operation. "But one thing" Liz says "you have to swear to me that no one knows about this operation, that no magazines or tabloids hear about it!" "I swear Liz" the surgeon replies. The big day arrives, Liz goes under the knife, the operation goes text book perfect and she is moved to a recovery room. Upon regaining consciousness, Liz's eyes focus on three huge floral arrangements at the foot of her bed. As the surgeon enters the room to more...

Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!

Doctor: Don't worry about it. You'll pass eventually.

Liz: I'm the examiner!

When Kevin came home, his wife, Liz, was crying.

"Your mother insulted me," Liz sobbed.

"My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" Kevin asked.

"I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious."

"And?"

"At the end of the letter it said,' PS. Dear Liz, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son.'"

Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests! Doctor: Don't worry about it. You'll pass eventually. Liz: I'm the examiner!

Nina and Liz are having a conversation during there lunch break. Nina asks, "So, Liz, how's your sex life these days?" Liz replies, "Oh, you know. It's the usual, Social Security kind." "Social Security?" Nina asked quizzically. "Yeah, you get a little each month, but it's not enough to live on."