Lou Jokes

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEETS WINDOWS95 Costello: Hey, Abbott! Abbot: Yes, Lou? Costello: I just got my first computer. Abbot: That's great Lou. What did you get? Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2. 1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM. Abbot: That's terrific, Lou. Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!! Abbot: You will in time. Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you. Abbot: Oh? Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert. Abbot: Well, I don't know- Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me. Abbot: Really? Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson. Abbot: O. K. Lou. What do you want to know? Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off. Abbot: That's true. Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do? Abbot: Well, first you press the Start button, and then- Costello: No, I told you, I want to more...

Bud invited his pal Lou - who came from Dallas - to go watch his home team playing a
great match. Being a avid baseball lover, Lou wanted to know the names of the players
of the home team. Unfortunately, Bud only knew their nick names only. So here goes the
conversation took place between the two friends.
Lou: I love baseball. When we get to St. Louis, will you tell me the guys' name on the
team so when I go to see them in that St. Louis ball park I'll be able to know those
fellows?
Bud: All right. but you know, strange as it may seems, they give ball players nowadays
very peculiar names, nick names, like "Dizzy Dean." Now on the St. Louis team we
have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --
Lou: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the
St. Louis team.
Bud: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --
Lou: You more...

Mary Lou was walking home from her first day of school wih her brand new dress on. Suddenly, some boys stopped her and told her, "We'll give you these balloons if you climb that tree!"

Mary Lou decided she'd try, so she climbed the tree, cme back down, took the balloons, and went home. She old her mommy what had happened, and her mommy said, "Oh dear! All those boys wanted was to see your underwear!"

Mary Lou answered, "Don't worry mommy, I wasn't wearing any."

One day the sheriff sees Billy Bob walking around town with nothing on except his boots. The sheriff asks, "Billy Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?"

Billy Bob replies, "Well Sheriff, me and Mary Lou was down on the farm and we started a-cuddlin'. Mary Lou said we should go in the barn and we did. Inside the barn we started a-kissing and a-cuddlin' and things got pretty hot and heavy. Well then Mary Lou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same."

"Well, I took off all my clothes except my boots. Then Mary Lou lay herself on the hay and said' Okay Billy Bob, let's go to town!'"

"I guess I'm the first one here."

Editor's Note: Not really all humor, unless you consider grown men in tights slapping each others asses funny...

#1. Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 game.
' Football is only a game.
Spiritual things are eternal.
Nevertheless, Beat Texas'

#2.' After you retire from football, there's only one big event left... and I ain't ready for that.' Bobby Bowden / Florida State

#3.' The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas

#4.' When you win, nothing hurts.' Joe Namath / Alabama

#5.' Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas

#6.' If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta know the password,' Roll, tide, roll!' Bear Bryant / Alabama

#7.' A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.' Frank Leahy / Notre more...