Luck Jokes / Recent Jokes
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control.
Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
On July 5, 1995 (in Tampa Bay FL) while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer more...
Gary, the fisherman, had driven by the lake many times and had seen some other anglers about, so he decided to give his luck a try. On his first day of fishing he had no luck at all but noticed that another fisherman near him that was scooping in one after another. He had to know The Secret.
"Excuse me sir, but would you mind telling me what sort of bait you are using?" he asked.
The other man looked around a bit embarrassed. "Well, I am a surgeon, and quite by accident I found that human tonsil works very well."
Gary thanked the man, thought about what sort of bait to try next time, and left.
The next day, Gary returned to the lake, tried a different bait and still had no luck.
Just as the day before, there was yet a different man reeling in fish after fish.
"Excuse me," asked Gary, "but could you suggest a bait that I could try?"
"Well, I can but I am not sure it more...
In the rural south, occasionally you will find an older gentleman who still uses a mule to make a garden.
Until he was 72, my father used one and contended that if you knew what you were doing with a good mule, you never needed a hoe for the grass.
Well, there was this old man who had been using a mule for years and it finally died on him. Seeing as he really needed a large garden to hold down food costs, he made a trip to see the mule dealer.
Admittedly, they are rare, but they still exist.
At the dealer's place he was surprised at how much prices for mules had increased in the last 20 years - mules live a long time.
After examining the available stock and the leanness of his wallet (he only had $125), he concluded he would have to settle for a mule almost as old as himself.
After extensive haggling with the dealer, they settled on a price, the old man made arrangements to return the next day with a horse trailer to pick up his purchase, and the dealer more...
Don't ya just love the holidays, when everyone is just so full of the spirit of the season and joy and good will towards men? As a plain old country boy now living in the big city, I wanted to share the warmth and joy I felt with all these nice city folk.
The other day I went to the local religious book store, to locate something to share with others, and while I couldn't find any with a Christmas theme, I saw a "Honk if You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car; tell y'all what, I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed.
I was stopped at a light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the upcoming Holidays and all, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I easily found several people who loved Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord because, he leaned out his window and even yelled, "Jesus more...
theres this king and he has a daghter and no one can make her scream so the black guy tries and no luck so the white guy trys and no luck then the chiness guy trys and the daghter runs oy of the room screaming well the fater ask how did you make her scream he said im so slik im so slik i put hot sause on my dick
Thought I'd try my luck
Leaping from couch to dresser.
You did not see that.
Or,
Thought I'd try my luck
Leaping from couch to dresser.
God, that fucking hurt.
All I have to do,
Is lay and show my tummy.
Putty in my paws.
Sorry, don't know why;
Must run at mach three til morn.
Run run run run run.
Catnip, finest bud -
Makes me swing at my sister.
Can't handle my high.
Snarling, giant beast
Cowers at my deadly claws.
Hmph! Dogs! Such pansies!
It's not my fault, see -
The plant wants me to eat it.
"I dare you," it said!
She can't see me. Soon
I shall pounce her wee brains out!
Wait for it...and NOW!
Watch this - I chirp, and
He picks me up without fail.
I trained him GREAT, huh?
Dude, haikus are fun!
Especially ones about
Tino and Mena.