Luxury Jokes

A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!"
The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have a phone."
The driver of the Yugo says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I've got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."
The driver of the Yugo says, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"
The driver of the Yugo says, "Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my more...

User: I want some answers.
Administrator: You want answers?
User: I think I'm entitled to them.
Administrator: You want answers?
User: I want the truth!
Administrator: You can't handle the truth!
We live in a world that has Computers, and those Computers have to be
connected by people with a clue.
Who's gonna do it? You?
You users make me sick. I have a greater responsibility than you can
possibly fathom.
You weep for your email and you curse the local administrator.
You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that
this network, while screwed up, and confusing to you, probably saved time.
And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves time.
You don't want the truth, because deep down, in places you don't talk about
at parties, you want us in this office.
You need us in this office.
We use words like DNS, LDAP, and SCRIPTS...we use these words as the
backbone to a more...

When St. Peter was at the Pearly Gates, three priest were sent up to heaven to be admitted on their repentance. The first priest was asked how many women he slept with and he answered that it was just one. St. Peter assigned him to a Luxury car and said that he would be using that while he is in heaven. The second answered that he slept with three and he was given a semi luxury car. The third was given an english mini as he slept with Ten. While the three priests got nto their respective vehicles and were driving around heaven; whoa..... whome do they meet? None other than Pope on a bicycle.

Three men died and stood in front of God.
God asked the first if he had been faithful to his wife. He admitted to four affairs during his marriage. God gave him a compact car to drive in heaven.
The second man admitted to only two affair and was given a midsize car.
The third man was asked the same question and said that he had been faithful to his wife until the day he died. God praised him and gave him a big luxury car.
A week later the three guys met in a parking lot. The man driving the luxury car began to cry.
“What’s the matter? ”
“I just passed my wife, and she was on a skateboard! ”

Irv and Sol, are walking down the street when Sol turns to Irv and says, "Irv, if you had two of those top-of-the-line Mercedes Benz cars, with all the gear, electric windows, CD player and all of that, exactly the same, would you give me one?"

Irv says, "Sol, how long do we go back? Thirty years? We've been best friends since school, and if I had two of those Mercedes, top-of-the-line cars with all the trimmings, exactly the same, yeah, I would give the other one to you."

So, they keep walking. After a couple of minutes, Irv turns to Sol and says, "Sol, if you had two of those luxury, playboy- type yachts, you know, with all the modern conveniences, and they were exactly the same, would you give one of them to me?"

Sol says, "Irv, you and me are like brothers, you were best man at my wedding, you attended my son's Bar Mitzvah, we have gone to the same shul together for all these years. If I had two of those luxury more...