Maine Jokes / Recent Jokes
One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DaLucci of Kittery, Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain. It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, just but the wrong hole.
She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.
She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup.
The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was more...
Q: How do you know that the toothbrush was invented in Maine?
A: Because if it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a
teethbrush!
Told to me by a friend:
We went to a party last Saturday night. One of the party-goers is
friend of ours who happens to be a policeman in Wayland.
He told this story about he and a friend who went to Maine to
go deer hunting. Seems they didn't get what they were after,
but that was OK because they had the last laugh.
They had brought with them an inflatable, man sized doll which
they dressed in hunter's clothing and tied it to the hood of their
car just before leaving to return home. They also had pullover
head masks that looked exactly like a deer which of course
they each put on, and then drove nonchalantly down the Maine turnpike.
To say that they caused a commotion would be an
understatement. They even got pulled over by a Maine
State Trooper who said that they were really doing
nothing wrong, but told them they were leaving a trail of
accidents behind and asked them to kindly remove the
costumes!
A Maine couple married in 1927 will celebrate their 80th anniversary at their nursing home this Saturday...
Hopefully.
A pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting.Along the trail he turned a corner and collided with a bear. thepastor stumbled, backwards, slipped off the trail, and begantumbling down the mountain, the bear in hot pursuit. Finally thepastor crashed into a bolder, breaking both his legs and sendinghis rifle flying through the air, just out of his reach. As the bear closed in, the pastor cried out "Lord, I'm sorry forwhat I have done. Please forgive me and save me! - Lord pleasemake this bear a Christian". Suddenly the bear skipped to a halt at the pastor's feet, fellto it's knees, clasped it's paws together, began to weep andsaid "God bless this food which I am about to receive!"
Maine- At Acadia National Park,officials are concerned about the amount of rocks that people aretaking from the park and will be fining thieves between $50-$150apiece for stolen rocks. “It really screws up the count for ourannual “Guess How Many Rocks Are in our Park Contest.” Said thehead park ranger.