Managers Jokes / Recent Jokes

In the Beginning was The Plan
And then came The Assumptions
and The Assumptions were without Form
And The Plan was completely without Substance.
And The Darkness was upon The Face of The Workers.
And they spoke amongst themselves, saying
"It is a Crock of Shit, and it stinketh."
And The Workers went unto their Supervisors and sayeth,
"It is a Pail of Dung and none may abide in the odor thereof."
And The Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them
"It is a Container of Excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."
And The Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth,
"It is a Vessel of Fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."
And The Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another,
"It contains that which aids Plant Growth, and it is very strong."
And The Directors went unto The Vice Presidents and sayeth unto them,
"It more...

In the beginning was the Plan
And then came the assumptions
And the assumptions were without form
And the Plan was completely without substance
And darkness was upon the faces of the workers
And they spake unto their Group Heads, and sayeth:
"It is a crock, and it stinketh!"
And the Group Heads went unto their Section Heads, and sayeth:
"It is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odour thereof."
And the Section Heads went unto their Managers, and sayeth unto them:
"It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."
And the Managers went to their Director, and sayeth unto him:
"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."
And the Director went unto his Vice-President, and sayeth:
"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
And the Vice-President went unto the President, and sayeth unto more...

In The Beginning was The Plan.
And then came the Assumptions And the Assumptions were without form
And the Plan was completely without substance and the darkness was
upon the face of the workers and they spoke among themselves,
saying... "It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."
And the workers went unto their Supervisors and
sayeth, "It is a pile of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,
"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that
none may abide by it."
And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth, "It is a
vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."
And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another,
"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth unto
them, "It more...

In The Beginning was The Plan.And then came the Assumptions And the Assumptions were without formAnd the Plan was completely without substance and the darkness wasupon the face of the workers and they spoke among themselves, saying... "It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh." And the workers went unto their Supervisors andsayeth, "It is a pile of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such thatnone may abide by it."And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth, "It is avessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another,"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth untothem, "It promotes growth and is very powerful."And the Vice Presidents went unto more...

Advice for office managers: If you keep the sexual harassment complaint forms in the bottom drawer, then when a woman get one out you'll get a great view of her butt.

OFFICE MEMO:
From: Managing Director
To: Vice President
"Tomorrow morning there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o'clock. This is something which we cannot see everyday. So let all employees line up outside, in their best clothes to watch it. To mark the occasion of this rare occurrence, I will personally explain the phenomenon to them. If it is raining we will not be able to see it very well and in that case the employees should assemble in the canteen."
From: Vice President
To: General Manager
"By order of the Managing Director, there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o' clock tomorrow morning. If it is raining we will not be able to see it in our best clothes, on the site. In this case the disappearance of the sun will be followed through in the canteen. This is something we cannot see happening everyday."
From: General manager
To: Industry Managers
"By order of the Managing Director, we shall more...

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES FR: MANAGEMENT SUBJECT: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well-trained through out program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSY TRAINING (S. H. I. T.). We are trying to give out employees more S. H. I. T. than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S. H. I. T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S. H. I. T. list, and out managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S. H. I. T. you can handle. DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D. E. E. P. S. H. I. T.). Those who fail to take D. E. E. P. S. H. I. T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E. A. T. S. H. I. T.). Since our managers took S. H. I. T. before they were promoted, they don't have to take S. H. I. T. anymore, and are full of S. H. I. T. already. If you are full of S. H. I. T., you more...