Managers Jokes / Recent Jokes

In the beginning was the plan

And then came the assumptions And the assumptions were without form And the plan was completely without substance. And the darkness came upon the face of the workers, And they spoke amongst themselves, saying: "It is a crock of shit and it stinketh."

And the workers went unto their supervisors and sayeth: It is a pail of dung and none can abide the odor thereof."

And the supervisors went unto their managers, and sayeth unto them: "It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, Such that none can abide it."

And the managers went unto the directors and sayeth: "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none can abide its strength."

And the directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another: "It contains that which aids plant growth, and is very strong."

And the directors went unto the vice presidents, and sayeth to them: "It promotes more...

In The Beginning was The Plan. And then came the Assumptions And the Assumptions were without formAnd the Plan was completely without substance and the darkness wasupon the face of the workers and they spoke among themselves, saying... "It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh." And the workers went unto their Supervisors andsayeth, "It is a pile of dung and none may abide the odor thereof." And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such thatnone may abide by it." And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth, "It is avessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength." And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another,"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong." And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth untothem, "It promotes growth and is very powerful." And the Vice Presidents went more...

Two managers are going over their budget for the next year. After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane. They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off. Finally, one manager decides that they lay off the first person who gets up from their desk. In the meantime, Jane is hard at work but suddenly gets a headache. She gets some aspirin from her desk drawer and gets up from her desk to get some water. One of the managers gets up to break the bad news to Jane. Manager: "Jane, I need to talk to you. I've got a problem. I either need to lay you or Jack off..." Jane: "Well, jack-off. I've got a headache."

How Shit HappensIn the Beginning was The PlanAnd then came the AssumptionsAnd the Assumptions were without formAnd the Plan was completely without substanceAnd the darkness was upon the face of the WorkersAnd the Workers spoke amongst themselves, saying"It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh." And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and sayeth,"It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof." And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it." And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth,"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength." And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying one to another,"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong." And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth unto them,"It promotes growth and is very powerful." And the Vice more...

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained, through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S. H. I. T.). We are trying to give our employees more S. H. I. T. than anyone else does. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S. H. I. T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S. H. I. T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S. H. I. T. you can handle. Employees who do not take their S. H. I. T. will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D. E. E. P. S. H. I. T.). Those who fail to take D. E. E. P. S. H. I. T.
seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude Training (E. A. T. S. H. I. T.). Since your managers took S. H. I. T. before they were promoted, they do not have to do S. H. I. T. anymore, because they are full of S. H. I. T. already. If you are full of S. H. more...

Three Engineers and three Managers are going to a conference and had to travel by train to get there. At the station, the three Managers bought their three tickets and watched as the three Engineers bought only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked a Manager. "Just watch and you'll see," answered an Engineer. They all board the train and the Managers took their seats and watched as all three Engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. The train departed and shortly afterward, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please." The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The Managers saw all this and agreed it is quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Managers decide to copy the Engineers on the return trip and save some money (expense reports). When they got to more...

How Shit HappensIn the Beginning was The PlanAnd then came the AssumptionsAnd the Assumptions were without formAnd the Plan was completely without substanceAnd the darkness was upon the face of the WorkersAnd the Workers spoke amongst themselves, saying"It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and sayeth,"It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth,"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying one to another,"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth unto them,"It promotes growth and is very powerful."And the Vice more...