Managers Jokes / Recent Jokes

An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.

The Japanese team won by a mile. Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of “Executives” was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.

Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.

After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that “too more...

Q: How many Quality managers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We've formed a quality circle to study the problem of why lightbulbs burn out and to determine the best thing we as managers can do to enable lightbulbs to work smarter, not harder.

Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games? So that they can pack the defence!

Special High Intensity Training To: All Employees FROM: The Management SUBJECT: Special High Intensity Training
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be place in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and more...

Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game? It was a cup draw!

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S. H. I. T). We are trying to give employees more S. H. I. T than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S. H. I. T on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S. H. I. T list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S. H. I. T you can handle.

Employees who do not take their S. H. I. T will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D. E. E. P S. H. I. T) Those who fail to take D. E. E. P S. H. I. T seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude Training (E. A. T S. H. I. T).

Since our managers took S. H. I. T before they were promoted, they do not have to do S. H. I. T anymore, as they are all full of S. H. I. T already.

If you are full more...

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive rowing race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they both felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile! Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action. The consultants' finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing (Working) and eight people steering (Freeloading ). After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consulting firm concluded that too many were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team. (i. e., US Government! !!) So, as race day neared again the following year, the American team's structure was complete reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three more...