Manners Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day, Stupid, Trouble And Manners Went on a cruise ship.Trouble dropped into the sea, Manners went to the toilet and Stupid called the police. When the policeman arrived Stupid said:"I am stupid and I am looking for trouble.The policeman said:"Where are your manners? Stupid replied"Manners is in the toilet.

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one -
"John, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
"Just a minute, I have to go piss."
The teacher replied "That would be rude and impolite!"
"What about you, Michael, how would you say it?"
"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."
The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table."
"And you, Billy, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after supper."
The teacher fainted.

three dudes Crap, Manners and Shutup, where driveing down the road.Suddenly Crap flys out the window and Manners goes after him.A cop saw this and pulled Shutup over.He says, whats your name? Shutup. Son, whats your name?! SHUTUP!!! Son where are your manners?! Over there pickin up poop!!!

Young Jimmy was having a snack after school with his Gran.' Would you like another cookie? ' she asked.
' Yes, please,' replied Jimmy.
' What good manners you have,' said his Gran.' I do like to hear young people say' please' and' thank you'.
' I'll say them both if I can have a big piece of that cake,' replied Jimmy!

three guys named Shut-up, Manners, and Poop were walking down the street when Poop fell down. Shut-up went to go get help and found a police officer. The officer asked him his name and he said "Shut-up". The officer quickly said "where are your manners?" Shut-up quickly replied "outside on the road picking up poop."

Civil War Era Humor The following are supposedly true definitions, stories, and terms relating to the Civil War. BIGGEST MAN... The biggest man in the Union Army was Capt. David Van Buskirk of the 27th Indiana Regiment who stood 6 feet 11 inches and weighed 380 pounds. He was captured in 1862 and was sent to a Richmond Prison where a Confederate entrepreneur put him on exhibit. Even Confederate President Jeff Davis came to see him and was astounded when the impish Van Buskirk claimed that back home in Bloomington Indiana, "when I was at the train station with my company, my six sisters came to say goodbye. As I was standing there, with my company, they all came up to me, leaned down and kissed me on top of the head." LETTER HOME... A young soldier left home to join the army. He told his girl friend that he would write every day. After about six months, he received a letter from his girlfriend that she was marrying someone else. He wrote home to his family to find out who she more...

Nearly everyone knows that Judith Martin, better known as Miss
Manners, the syndicated columnist, is exceedingly correct. Last
week, she saw an advertisement in the newspaper that a Maryland
jewelry store was having a sale in her silver pattern. Upon arriving
at the store, she told the jeweler she was looking for additional
dessert spoons in her pattern and had been making do with the larger
soup spoons.
"That's not much of a hardship," the employee said. "It is
for me," Martin responded. Caught up in the moment, the saleswoman
joked, "Who do you think you are, Miss Manners?" The easily
recognizable Miss Manners looked at the woman, unable to respond. And
then it registered. "Oh my God!" the saleswoman said.
from the Jan 26 San Jose Mercury News