Maori Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three old ladies where walking through the park, when a guy jumped from behind a tree and flashed the old ladies. Two of the old ladies had a massive stroke. The third old lady was very very angry because she missed out, as he disappeared into the bush.

Maori falla trying to have sex with his girlfriend,
Maori falla " Ohhhh!!! come on babe we been going together for a month now, Pleeeeeeeeeeese!!!?"
Girlfriend " I know i want to to but im frighten something might happen! you know what i mean?"
Maori falla " What if i promise to put only half in, i heard thats safe?"
Girlfriend " Is that true!"
Maori falla "Yep! 100 percent?"
Girlfriend "oohhh!! alright then?"
Maori falla jumps at his chance minutes later he gets carried away and puts it all in.
The girlfriend is starting to get into the rythmn too and shouts out "ooooohhh!!! thats lovely, put it all in pleeeeeese!!!"
Maori falla ..pauses for a sec then answers "Sorry Babe!! a promise is a promise.?"

English tourists driving through New Zealand countryside when they spot 4 maori falla's struggling with a huge pole against the woolshed.
Curious they stop, watch and take photo's. Finally one of the tourist's curiosity gets the better of him, so he walks over to them and asks what are they trying to do.
Maori falla " wadaya mean! what are we doing?"
Pommy falla " I mean sir! why are you trying to lean that pole against this barn?"
Maori falla " So we can measure it eh!?"
Pommy falla somewhat bemused "Err!! pardon me for saying sir! but why couldnt you measure it the pole that is, while it was laying on the ground?"
Maori falla just as bemused at the question. "man you poms think you know everything eh!!! its because we want to measure the height not the length! Ok!?"

Maori falla "Hey cuz how come you sheila's like those pommy falla's more than us falla's?'
Maori sheila " Coz cuz they better roots than you falla's?"
Maori falla "Eh! how come! how come they better rooters than us falla's then eh!"?"
Maori sheila " Simple cuz, when you falla"s wanna root, you walk up to us sheila's and put it in!"
Maori falla "Yea! so, thats what you do when you gonna have a root with a sheila isnt that right eh cuz?"
Maori sheila "Yea thats right cuz, you falla"s walk up to us sheilas and put it in!... But those pommy fallas!!..man when they wanna root they put it in first!.... THEN walk up to you?"

Maori and samoan words have rather derogatory meanings when pronounced to our sri lankan ears.
Fakapapa - A person who fucks his dad
Pukehora - A thief inside the ass
Pukaki - Miss ass
Pukakava - Ate the ass
Pukakaapi - Eat my ass
Pukehori - scabies in the ass
pukakanava-Eating the ass
Aoteoroa -?
fakalofa-he who fucks a loaf of bread
fakatiti - fuck breasts
fakananu - fuck nanu
horikaka - eating hori
horikava - ate hori
horikanava - eating hori
horipapa - dad with hori
pukeamaru -pain in the ass
pukepapa - dad in the ass
pukemiri -?
pukekari - he who's got kari in ass
karipapa - dad with kari
fakaamaru - fuck pain
fakamaru - good fuck
pukekiri - milk in the ass
fakakiri - he who fucks milk
kiripanuvata - threadworms
kirimora - milk shark
kiriharaka - cow
papamaruva - he who killed his dad
hikipapa - dad with hiccups
kiriamaru -milk with more...

Maori falla walks into crowded pub and see's pommy guy he had a beer with one year ago. Pub goes dead quiet, maori falla walks up to the bar grabs two handles of beer and heads in the poms direction. You could hear a pin drop, hands one handle to the pom, downs his in one gulp and goes get another returns to where the pom is downs his handle in one gulp slams it down on the table and sez to the pom.
Maori falla " your the bugger who ran off with my wife!!!! eh mate?"
Pommy fellow doesnt utter a word, or touch his beer
Maori falla really fuming now, " Mate you got till tonite to bring...to bring back my ..... pauses to get the words right .. to bring back my milking cow you also took? So enjoy your beer you deserve it!"

Pommy falla, Ozzy falla, and Maori falla, all ex SAS. Drinking at local RSL, straight whiskeys from a schooner. Six hours later the three of them disappear for a piss and return without anyone noticing. One hour later the pom leans over and whispers to his mates "you know us English are the elite of all SAS regiments" Ozzy falla whispers back 'bugger off mate its us ozzies " Maori falla while taking another drink " Oh, eh!"
Pommy falla " I'll prove it then watch' Pommy falla goes up to the bar and chats to the barman comes back and sits down.
The barman arrives a coupla minutes later with a large towel, face cloth, and large kitchen knife. He spreads the large towel over the table, hands the face cloth to the Ozzy and gives the knife to the Pom
The pom puts his hand on the towel raises the knife and bang cuts off his little finger. "Thats how tough our English SAS are he whispers" The Ozzy wipes the poms cut finger with the face more...